Avoidant Personality Disorder Discussion

@MeaningfulSilence I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I may later answer the other questions, but here are my thoughts on the last question.

What would you like people to learn and know about your struggles?
1. If you meet someone who seems insecure, anxious, inhibited and socially awkward (which are some of the symptoms of AvPD), please be kind and nonjudgmental towards them. They may be struggling and suffering a lot, and you don't know what hardships they might have gone through in life that caused them to become so insecure and fearful.

2. If someone with AvPD has avoided/abandoned/ghosted you, it probably wasn't because of you and they probably didn't intend to hurt you. Most likely the reason was fear of being rejected, the tendency to escape when things get too close/intimate, or feeling that they're not good enough and that you're better off without them.

3. Sometimes I wish that people without this disorder were more aware of how lucky they are to have certain things in life, so that they could more consciously enjoy these things. Please don't take the things you have for granted, but know that other people are fighting a hard battle in an attempt to achieve them. Some examples of things that a person who has AvPD may miss out on in life and dream of having: the freedom to walk outside and be in public places without fear; connections with other people; a basic level of self-esteem; the ability to participate in and enjoy social events; the ability to achieve their full potential in a job. (I'm not saying everyone without AvPD has all these things; rather my point is if you are lucky to have one or more of these things in life, don't forget to appreciate and enjoy it.)

Thanks for the kind replies 💜 So here are my answers to the other questions.

How does avoidant personality disorder manifest itself for you?
I'll try to explain what living with this disorder feels like. Imagine that painful feeling you get when you feel very bad about yourself, for example when you were just rejected, did something you're ashamed of, or failed at something that's important to you. Now imagine feeling this way not just in these situations but always. With AvPD you have a very painful self-image and feel inferior to other people. You have extremely low self-esteem and live with chronic feelings of shame and inadequacy. This causes you to become painfully self-aware when around other people, because you’re afraid that they will see what a terrible and inferior person you are and judge and reject you for it. The shame and fear you feel in social situations cause you to freeze and become socially awkward, resulting in negative and embarrassing social experiences, which then feel as proof for your painful self-image. To protect yourself from this pain and humiliation, you start to avoid social situations and public places, becoming more and more socially isolated. You feel extremely lonely and crave social interaction, but keep isolating yourself, because you feel that you’re socially inadequate and unworthy of anyone’s time.

What is your biggest fear when you enter into relationships with others?
That when they get to know the real me, they will realise that I’m inferior and something is inherently wrong with me. And that they will reject me because of it, thereby confirming the painful feelings I have about myself.

When and why did you feel to leave an interaction/relationship?
Looking back at the many times that I avoided social interactions, I now see that the true reason was to avoid judgment, rejection, and humiliation. But during these moments, I was often not consciously aware of this, and instead had all kind of excuses that made my behaviour seem reasonable and justified (e.g., I don’t have anything in common with this person, I don’t feel well today, I don’t have time). Now that I have my diagnosis, I am more aware that when I avoid social interactions it is because of shame and fear, and I try to change my behaviour.

How do you handle your emotions when you feel like you need to walk away?
Remind myself that avoidance makes me lonely and unhappy, and encourage myself to keep trying to connect to others instead of withdrawing.

How can you help yourself when you feel that fears rise up?
Imagine your mind is a movie with different characters in it. Your anxious thoughts are the words spoken by a scared child. The negative thoughts you have about yourself are the lines of the villain of the movie: a mean character that is saying hurtful things to the child. Now imagine a caring, loving person entering the scene. Imagine them standing up for the child, sending the villain away, and then comforting the child. What kind/helpful things do they say to reassure the child? After the scene is finished, remember these kind and helpful words and focus on them when you enter the feared situation.