I'm somewhere on the upper ASPD spectrum. Ask me anything.
Hello all,
I'm new to this app and am willing to help anyone with questions. I have had this since I was little, but didn't know the word for it until my early 20s. I'm willing to talk about my past and current thoughts toward having psychopathy/sociopathy (ASPD).
@philosophicalShade594
How does your ASPD change your ability to connect with others? How has having ASPD affected your friendships and/or relationships thus far?
Well the biggest problem I have is connecting with people emotionally. Like if they are crying or something I don't feel anything. Sure, I know how to act. Put my arm around them, tell them things will be fine, but Idon't feel anything. In my last relationship I was asked, "what are you thinking" as I watched her. Truth is, I was thinking "I'm watching your emotions to try and give an accurate response based on body language to steer the conversation in the direction I want to go." But I can't say that, so I just say nothing.
I have also found that I like to be in control. I love bomb on dates and then normally fall away when I get bored and I can easily brake up with either friends or relationships due to the lack of emotional connection.
Now, I believe that I can make a relationship last but I'm going to have to be up front with them about my lack of empathy/emotion. Then they are going to have to accept that and continue. That's the hard part. I can accept things at face value and keep going, but it's hard for other's to do.
Another thing about relationships is how I have very little personality of my own. I normally tailor one to fit a crowd. Based on what I listen to in the first 10min of meeting them and then continue with that "mask" as long as I know them. Probably why I only keep in touch with a handful of people at a time.
@philosophicalShade594
Hi--that makes sense what you're describing:
- You don't really have a lot of natural feelings in relationships with people, so they tend to be a matter of figuring out what behavior is situationally helpful and then performing that.
- As a result, you have a lot of masks that you wear in interacting with people, since different people are looking for different things in relationships.
- You'd like to try to find people who are able to accept that this is the way you go about things. It's been uncomfortable in the past when people ask, "What are you thinking/feeling" and there's this sense of, "I don't think you'd respond positively if I told you".
- Relationships sometimes feel boring or like they don't benefit you very much since there isn't much emotional involvement or nourishment.
