Have a good night and a good day tomorrow. Hopefully your hand is ok and the concert is absolutely amazing!
hahaha pray for my thumb fr. thank you!! i’ll talk tomorrow byee (:
@free2118 Hey do you have time to talk tonight?
@Hilltop9394 hi!! yea i do! how are you??
@free2118 My day was pretty ok. It was just really boring. What about you?
mine was busy now that i have work everyday im getting tired haha. but it was alright. i’m glad yours was ok:)
@free2118 It’s good your working though. Do you wanna not talk and get some rest instead. Or stop an hour early?
nope i’m good! i’m chilling so far if anything i’ll let you know if i get too tired one day. soooo whatd you do today
Yeah hopefully tonight you can get some good rest
@Hilltop9394 what about you, how was your day?
well i woke up dropped my sister off to marching band then sat and waited at the rec center to do swim instructing so i sketched or at least tried. then i taught lots and lots of kids then went home and thennnn slept like thirty minutes then went back for another shift and then i came home some hours again and am chilling haha. TOO MANY KIDS. at one point i felt like a mom with two toddlers in both my arms jumping up and down in a pool saying yay you did it you did it!! IT WAS HORRIFYING
@free2118 Hahahah I bet i couldn’t be that horrifying. It actually sounds really cool. Kids are so nice for the most part. You were so busy you definitely deserve some sleep
@Hilltop9394 I bet it, typo
hahaha they are cute. some were just aaaah. i have no patience sometimes lol
@free2118 I bet you were cool though. You seem like you would be good with kids.
i mean i am? kinda idk. like i’m all smiley and i have the personality to be happy but i also just like idk. inside i’m screaming. and want to scream at some of them because i just want them to listen. but sometimes occasionally i do have fun and i see potential in kids and i get super excited like yes! you will go far and i believe in you. some i’m just like please just please float haha
thank you so much. i hope i do too
@free2118 Also what did you sketch? Did you take any pictures?
i sketched some cars. or well i tried to. i wanna try and draw cars! learn to at least haha
@free2118 That’s so cool! I bet you’ll learn fast
haha maybe it looks so bad i just did it with pen really fast and hoped for the best lol
@free2118 It’s a process and I’m sure you’ll get it
thank you:) anyway anything fun for this week or interesting
Yes if that’s ok
yeah that’s ok. we can always talk about whatever.
@free2118 Ok where do we start
i’m not sure yesterday we were talking about if you don’t like people or you judge yourself too much.
@free2118 Well we could try to fix my self esteem and confidence. Because I feel like that’s a huge problem I have. Or we can go with connecting with people and why I don’t or don’t feel like I do. What do you think would be more important or easier?
well if we’re thinking more important definitely yourself first. you always come first. so fixing your self esteem and confidence. let’s see. what do you like about yourself. personality, appearance or interest wise
@free2118 there’s not really much of me I do like. I think I’m nice or at least try to be. Which is also a bit annoying because there are times when I wanna be hatful and vindictive and hold grudges but can’t without feeling bad. Maybe it’s because I’m actively trying to think or I just can’t but I can’t think of anything else good about myself. It’s probably the second one. I truly think I have no redeeming qualities
ok. well whatever you said i think you’re way more than that but. for this instance ok. so you are nice. is there things you wish you could have? like thinking back to your friends or people you look up to what’s things you would like to have in yourself?
@free2118 I want to have confidence for one. I just wanna be out somewhere or even by myself and feel happy with how I am. I feel like I’m constantly hiding and ashamed of every part of me. So being able to feel good about myself especially in public would be nice. I wanna be fit too. Because I feel like I can’t really do anything if I’m not attractive without being judged. Like for example if a thin or fat weird looking guy is talking about dungeons and dragons or some other nerdy stuff they will be seen as weird and judged. But if an attractive person talks about it it’s seen as cool that they’re into such niche topics. So I just wanna lower my probability of being judged. And I wanna be proud of how I look and not hate myself
ok ok. well so there’s some things that we can do to change that. One being the easiest to identify is going to the gym or working out or whatever kind of cardio you want to do. that will help bring confidence and i know you aren’t super patient will like taking time to build up but that is definitely a consistent and you’ll start to see progress if you go a lot!
I also wanna have people around me. People that accept and care for me. I wanna feel like I can trust the people around me and be comfortable with. And I want to accept them too. I feel like I talk to a bunch of losers. I know it’s bad but I feel a bit ashamed by them in public. They’re not weird, they’re just average and a bit loud. And I always feel so self conscious in public so I try to be quiet and not be seen. And them being loud puts more eyes on me.
@Hilltop9394 Yeah I’ve been horrible about myself because I haven’t been going to the gym. I literally have nothing to do but still haven’t. Today I knew I should have gone but just played video games from 4:00-9:00. That’s 5 hours straight. That’s so pathetic. And it’s been like that for 3 years. My will and self control is so weak though I get upset and just clamp up and escape in tv or food or sleep
oh mhm that’s understandable and i get it. i’m sorry you feel like that. hopefully senior year helps you explore more. i remember mine i met some of my friends there like actually most. through all the random senior stuff going on.
@free2118 I can’t stand senior year. I feel like I’ve wasted my life so far and after high school there’s nothing left. I know that’s dumb but still. And feel like it’s gonna be another wasted high school year with people I don’t like while being judged by everyone.
@hilltop9394 well yeah it’s kinda annoying you gotta go through yet another year of high school buttttttttt it can also be a restart before a huge throw yourself into the wild world of being not in high school. so this can help! try looking at the positive instead of the negative which i know is hard especially since i look at everything negatively half the time but you still gotta try to because it makes a good and big difference
ok well we gotta change your game plan. and really lock in on going to the gym. i think you totally can and are so capable of doing it if you try. we can do it together! you can put a goal of trying to go at least four days a week. and find a time that usually you can go.
@free2118 How do I get off the ground and go through? I can’t get myself up normally but especially when I’m not having a good day. Which is almost every day. I’m so absolved in my own self pity I just crumble. How can I stop being a lazy *** for a lack of a better term
pretend i’m over there about to punch you in the face :)
jk please don’t imagine that ever. but there’s gotta be a part of you that says bro go to the gym. so that little part has to literally scream and even if you can’t function or do stuff even a walk. with your dogs or anything is better than being a lazy *** yk
@free2118 I wanna say you’re right and I know you are but I know when the time comes I won’t do it
@Hilltop9394 I’m like that with everything. I need to be forced to get anything done. I was thinking about dating today. And I realize the only way I’ll date or even talk to a girl is if I’m forced. I’ve had girls say they like me who were pretty cute and I passed up. You’d think someone who is cooked in every way and as pathetic as me would jump on the opportunity would but not me. When that girl at school liked me everyday I would be told why won’t I, it’s the easiest bag of your life, you have no other options. My friend actually asked if I was gay. He said the way I dodged women I gotta like men, respectfully. And what could I say, that I’m scared of judgment and am to ashamed of myself to even consider me an option. That if a girl would look at my brother them me see what a mistake she made. If she were to look at another guy she would instantly think that’s an improvement. I’m sorry this is long I just had to rant about it I’m feeling upset
hey hey hey. stop. you have to stop hating yourself. because that’s what this all is. you hating on yourself. and while i do it too a lot it’s not good for anyone. honestly i think it’s really cool of you to actually like not jump on any opportunity of a girl because hey. there’s so many and until you meet someone you actually want to date then it’s not worth it. but you aren’t a loser and you aren’t a downgrade you just think that. because you don’t like yourself. but you even said it yourself there’s people who do and you have to look at what they do like about you and start appreciating yourself more. and damn i’ll force you even from here. idk how but i will try.
and im sorry you are feeling upset i wish i could do something to help more than just talk. because i sometimes feel like even though you say it helps i’m not helping enough. so just pretend i could do more than just talk.
@free2118 No it’s ok you really are helping. Being upset means I’m talking about what I need to and getting out how I feel instead of just internalizing it. So thank you a lot
yeah that’s good (: as long as it’s helping you somehow and im proud of you for talking about it instead of keeping it internalized
@Hilltop9394 And it’s good. For the longest time I didn’t know why I didn’t date. And I still feel like it’s not the right answer. But maybe it never will feel like the right answer. But it’s the closest one I got and I think no matter what there will always be self doubt especially with a problem I have. But I think now I realize that I wouldn’t date or even talk to girls because I didn’t feel worthy or like I was good enough. And I felt too embarrassed of myself and how people would see me. I always wondered about it but I think I know now. It’s because I hate myself so much so I assume everyone else does too
@Hilltop9394 Thank you you were just saying you don’t feel like you help that much but I think this is a really important realization. So thank you so much for everything.
of course. and if it makes you feel better i don’t hate you whatsoever. i promise you’re like the bestest friend someone could ask for we’re twins!!
Sorry for going past time it’s getting late and you deserve to get some sleep
it’s ok! do you want to keep talking or do you want to stop?
@free2118 I got till 11:30 and I know you’re tired.
@Hilltop9394 Bit also do you think we should stick to our usual time and use the 30 as a backup? Like tonight how we went a bit after 11:00?
yeah’ of course i think that’s a good idea. i am a bit tired haha. i have a long day tomorrow :’)
@free2118 Ok then sounds good! Have a good day tomorrow and a good night too. Sleep well and make sure to take plenty to breaks if you need to. Have some cool dreams and look for cool cars. Byeeee!!!
@Hilltop9394 hey i’m so sorry i’m stuck at work till 8. so i’ll be an hour late i’m so so sorry for being so last minute. if you can talk totally understandable. i hope you had a good day! (:
@free2118 No it’s ok I was just about to get gas so I’ll be 40. So it works out lol. Anyway take your time and have fun. Drive safe!
haha drive safe too! i’m back! and half dead but back lol
@free2118 Yay I’m glad you got home! Do you still wanna talk or get some sleep? You probably don’t wanna be too tired tomorrow
omg tomorrows my concert!!! no no we can talk for a little(: catch up on the day yk wanna see how my twin is doing
@free2118 Are you sure? It’s totally ok if we don’t
@Hiltop9394 nope i totally do! unless you are tired
@free2118 No I can talk I just didn’t want you to be tired for your concert.
@Hilltop9394 How was your day?
i’m ok:) thank you though. it was busy as helllll but good! how was your day?
@free2118 Yayyy!!! I’m glad it was good. Mine was ok ish but pretty bad. I went to the gym so I guess that’s doing something but I just felt horrible all day
I’d wanna talk about it but I’m not sure what to say. I wanna add on from yesterday but I’m not sure how. I wanna talk but I just don’t wanna complain
it’s ok if you want to complain i can listen. but i’m not sure. how was the gym when you went?
@free2118 No what I mean is I wanna talk and figure some stuff out. Not just mindless complain with out anything productive. But the gym was ok. Planet only has 5 smith machines so they’re always being used. So that’s a bit lame but besides that it was ok.
i mean it’s good you went in super proud of you:) but if you want to talk about it it’s ok. i’m not sure how i could start it. like the conversation for that so it’s up to you.
@free2118 Well yesterday we talked about improving my self esteem. Did we come to a conclusion on how to fix that at all. I felt like we just said go to the gym and stop being lazy. Is there any way to improve on that or go further or is that all I can do?
i mean i know you can do more. but it’s all really mental and not physical yk. you could journal you could meditate. but like it really depends on what you want to really try and do and stick with it.
@free2118 Ok I can try at least. How can I start? What can I do and how will it work?
well you can just start and like what do you wanna do? do you want to meditate? or journal or like do a hobby?
@free2118 Well let’s say I start journaling. What do I write? And does it need to be online or can it be on paper? I’m not sure how it would work. Have you ever journaled?
Also what meditating. Isn’t it some kinda hippie stuff? How does that work too
well not necessarily. i usually meditate with this app called calm. it’s like a daily meditation and it’s legit like ten minutes and it’s really chill. you just breathe and sit there and let your mind wander. meditation helps feel the emotions in a way. so like whatever you’ve been super worried or insecure about kinda surfaces while you just sit there quietly but that’s the good of it. since you’re kinda stuck doing it you just gotta do it. like you need to think it through and then once it’s all over it’s relieving. anyway yeah i do calm. it’s an app. and most of it is free to use except like the very fancy stuff.
@free2118Ok I’ll get the app and try it out
ok:) it’s ok if you don’t like it. but i like it just because it’s short and if you did want longer you can. it’s also nice when you want to reset for a second. i either do it in the mornings or like in the middle of the day. so yeah idk. i hope that helps a little
@free2118 I think it would be good in the morning. So I could maybe think about my day and try to be a little less doubtful. Cause I always wake up really unsure and like a failure. So it would probably be really beneficial
yeah!! you can do it. and i think it will help too! it’s helped me and i am horrible about being positive so if it can help me in someway i hope it can for you too!
@free2118 Ok then I’ll let you know how it goes on Friday. But it’s getting late and you should get lots of rest for tomorrow
yes! i have work and then concert right after! i will take sooo many pictures for you! i hope you have a really good day tomorrow and you can do something cool and fun. have a goodnight sleep well drink lots of water and have cool dreams. byeeeeee (:
oh and be safe always i’ll talk to you friday
@free2118 Yes you too (:
@free2118 YAY!!! You better take so many!!!!! But have a good night and an absolutely amazing day tomorrow too and a good night that night. Have cool dreams eat good food and pet your dogs. Byeeeee!!!
@free2118 Hi I’m working til 10 tonight so I’ll be around an hour and 10 minutes late. If that’s too late we can talk tomorrow. Both is ok. If we don’t I hope your day is great and the concert was amazing (:
@Hilltop9394 hiiii. that’s totally ok!! i can wait(: i hope you are having a good day.
