@Hilltop9394hi! i’m going on an impromptu hike with my friend to see the sunset. So i can’t talk today:/ i’m sorryyy i hope you had a good day and have a goodnight. i’m so sorry. this was kinda last minute and i didn’t know till right now. so i’m sorry. but we’ll talk tomorrow!
@free2118 Sorry I saw this earlier in Walmart and forgot to respond. But that sounds super fun! Hope you guys have a good time and stay safe! We I do NOT wanna hear about something happening to mr moose lol. Have a good night and a good day tomorrow and roll down a hill for me! (:
@free2118 Tonight I’m working till 10 and I wanna go to the gym after so I won’t be able to talk tonight. But I hope your day was good and yesterday was too. Have a good night and a good day tomorrow. Byeee!
@Hilltop9394 oh! ok that’s ok. have a lot of fun. and thanks. i hope you had a good day and you have a goodnight and a good day tomorrow:)
@free2118 Hi, I’m so sorry I didn’t know until this morning but I’m working till 10 again so I’m not gonna be able to talk. But tomorrow I’m definitely free and we can talk unless you have something to do. I hope today was fantastic and tomorrow will be double that. Bye! (:
@Hilltop9394
hi i might be 30 to an hour late. i’m so sorry. if you don’t wanna wait that’s understandable. i hope you had a good day
@free2118 It’s ok take your time for whatever I’ll wait
@Hilltop9394 hi:) i’m back. sorry that took a bit
@free2118 Hi!!!! How have these couple of days been?
hi! hiking was fun. but then after that pretty bad. but it’s fine. how have you been?
@free2118 The day or the few days after?
the few days after
@free2118 I’m sorry I didn’t mean to like that. I’m sorry your days weren’t to good
@Hilltop9394 I have just felt so horrible about myself and feel like I’ve reached an all time low
oh no that’s not good. are you doing ok?
@free2118 I’ll be fine I’m just feeling at an all time low confidence wise. And I feel like there’s no hope for my improvement
But what about you? Why was your day not good?
i just feel dead inside. and i feel like everyone i know doesn’t care about me at all. or hates me. or both
@free2118 I don’t hate you or think anything bad about you. And I bet your family doesn’t either. I know it might seem like you’re everything’s bad and nobody cares but it’s not true
yeah but like my family is conditioned to love me that’s like what a family is. and you are so far away i bet if you actually did know me you probably wouldn’t like me. and my friend genuinely don’t care. i tried reaching out and doing things but they keep saying no. so i stopped talking and seeing if maybe they would say something but it’s been like a week and they won’t. so i just think i’m replaceable like someone said once. and im forgettable and im always alone in this stupid house. so i don’t do anything.
@free2118 Yeah I am far but if I were close I definitely wouldn’t think that. That’s why I wanna meet you and go on a road trip. Cause I know you’re gonna be even more funny and nice and amazing and the coolest person ever. Way more than you already are
@Hilltop9394 I’m sorry you feel that way. You’re saying you always reach out to people and they never do the same? So you stopped and are waiting for someone to say something? I think that’s what you mean. But I don’t believe they think you’re forgettable or replaceable. I bet your friends really care about you
@Hilltop9394 Because you are not replaceable at all you’re really great
@Hilltop9394 But I wanna ask you something and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way I just want to understand and have an idea based on what you’re saying. And I’m also using my personal experience with hanging out with people which is pretty slim. So what I’m trying to say is take my question with a grain of salt because I don’t have any idea of what I’m talking about
i think you have way too much faith in me haha. but i’m not cool and amazing or whatever. my friends don’t even care about me. that should already be a sign to just like not be associated with me. like if i did disappear tomorrow or right now they wouldn’t even care because they never say hi or ask anything.
but thank you. you’re way nicer than me
@Hilltop9394 But I wanna ask do you think you’re depending on company and trying to interact too much? I’m bad with words but I remember you saying you can’t stand being by yourself. So I’m asking do you think you’re always trying to be around people 24/7 and getting upset when they aren’t doing the same. I could be completely wrong but it’s just an idea. But do you feel like if people go one day without saying anything they don’t care. And if you think I’m completely wrong I want you to tell me. It’s useless for you to just agree if you don’t think so. I just wanna throw this out for you to think about.
well yeah i know i can’t be alone. and it really isn’t because i feel like i’m not getting attention. it genuinely is like a safety concern. like i am scared of myself. because when i do feel very lonely to an extent and im alone it’s not good. in the past it’s not been good. that’s why my sister is usually with me. but she’s been doing marching band which is good. i just feel worse alone. and it’s not like a oh they don’t talk to me for a day im hated. it’s like it’s been days. like more than a week and no one has said anything. and i gave up on trying because i just don’t understand why I always have to be the one to try. it just is super upsetting. but it’s fine. i’m ok
@free2118 To be honest I’m not sure what to do about reaching out to people. I’m sorry. I wish I could help better. That sounds like a very serious issue though. I’ll be here for you and do whatever I can to help, but I’m not qualified and I’m not a medical professional. Have you tried talking about this with a therapist? Because you should be able to stand being alone. And you need to remember that it’s ok. You can overcome this and there’s nothing wrong with being upset. Even with all your flaws your a incredible human being and you can always change.
yeah i have a therapist. and it’s ok you don’t have to have the answer for this whatsoever. you just asked so i answered i’m really sorry if that was too heavy. it’ll get better i just have to reset a lot haha
@free2118 You don’t have to apologize for anything or whatever subject matter we talk about. Because I’ll always be here to bear that with you no matter what. And like that one reel I saw said. Shared joy is twice the happiness and shared sadness is half the sorrow. I’m happy to help ease the weight of anything if it might make you feel better. And if you feel the same after that’s ok too. I’m happy to do anything even if the chances of helping are small.
thank you. i’m sorry if i was mean or anything. i really am grateful. but i also don’t want you worrying about unnecessary things like that so i’m still sorry. but thank you
maybe no one would notice till a long time. but thank you. summer is usually my worst nightmare because i’m alone a lot and being alone is supposed to be fun because you can do things but i genuinely cannot function and i start to hate myself and it’s so bad. so i’m sorry. we can talk about something else
@free2118 We don’t have too. If you wanna stop we can but we don’t have to at all. And you don’t have to feel like you have to stop for me at all. You talking is ok anytime
I’m sorry if that sounds mean and I’m not trying to say that’s what happening. I’m just trying to help in some way
no it’s not mean you’re just trying to help. and thank you. i just feel it’s pointless because i’ve been like this for years. so it’s ok. we don’t have to talk about something super depressing
@free2118 Your saying we don’t have too. Are you saying that because you don’t wanna talk about it or you feel like you should stop or I should be the one talking. Because it’s totally ok for you to speak and I’m more than willing to listen
all three. either way if i talk about it or not it’s the same problem and i’ll have to deal with it myself. and i feel bad for telling you now. and now i’ve wasted like twenty minutes talking about it and you haven’t talked. so i feel bad about that too. how was working
And that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said to me and probably will ever say in your life. You being upset is not an unnecessary thing. It’s the most necessary thing on the planet. Because your happiness is the most necessary thing.
You keep saying you’re fine and we “should” stop. But honestly you don’t sound fine. And there is no should. Because you talking has no limit. There is no should. There’s an I want to and I don’t. And I’ll respect both, but please don’t say what you think is right. Because there is no right. It’s what YOU what and what YOURE comfortable with.
@Hilltop9394 If you just want a distraction that’s fine but don’t say what you think is right.
@Hilltop9394 I’m sorry if I’m coming on a bit aggressive or something like that. But I think it’s really important for you to choose based on what you want. It’s not selfish and if you see it that way then I want you to be as selfish as you want
no i’m not fine. but that’s usually most days and that’s fine it’s my normal. these past days it’s just been worse than usual. and i don’t want to keep talking about it. it feels pointless to talk about something i just have to suck up and deal with on my own. so it’s ok. i’ll be fine.
@free2118 Ok then we can talk about something else then.
@Hilltop9394 You asked about work. Work had been good. Saturday I stopped by the gas station and I saw my friend who works at the home that pays really high. The one who backpacked through Europe. He said that the job isn’t hiring. So I’m stuck with lame pay. But it’s ok
and yes i do feel guilty because now it’s like oh no she’s not ok. and i don’t want pity or help or anything so i shouldn’t have told you. it’s dumb anyway. i don’t want any help. and now i feel worse about myself. and im sorry i’m getting so mad but it’s really annoying i ended up telling you because now i feel wrong and it isn’t you it’s just not i’m annoyed at myself. but it’s fine. i really just really really wanna talk about something else
now*
and now i wasted all of the time. because it’s getting late and it’s already 11 for you.
@free2118 My internet shuts off at 11:30 now. Which is lame but it’s ok. So at least we had a extra 30 minutes then before
@Hilltop9394 Bit you didn’t waste any time we always have tomorrow
But work has been good. Since it’s summer I’m working more days and meeting more people
that’s really good i’m happy for you:)
@free2118 And I’m met this one girl who works there that has been really pushing me. But in a good way I only worked with her once but even when she’s coming to see a movie she always tells me the same thing.
@Hilltop9394 She’s always like “be more social you’re always sitting by yourself looking all emo. Why don’t you talk more?” And she’s right I am always like that but I just feel so out of place. And I hope I work with her more so she can help me be better at talking
@Hilltop9394 Cause some days it’s so bad. Everyone is talking and I feel like such an outsider so I just sit off to the side on my phone. And I end up feeling so pathetic and sorry for myself. I know that if I got to know them I could be more talkative because that’s how I am, but it feels like I’ll never get there
@Hilltop9394 My favorite coworker Jesus is my favorite because I can talk normally with him. He’s super out going and when we first worked he talked to me first. And then kept talking to me and I eventually got comfortable with him. But I still sometimes feel weird
oh haha i used to say that to someone. but then i stopped because his family kept calling him emo after that so i felt partly to blame. but i hope she does help you in a good way.
you will get there. it takes time but i know you can do it
@free2118 I think about how they talk about me when I’m not around. They would probably say I’m super weird and out of place and based on my behavior and social interactions I couldn’t blame them. I just hope if they even do say something like that Jesus with be there to say something like “you just gotta get to know him, then he talks more.”
@Hilltop9394 Bit other than that work is fine.
i think they just want to try and talk to you. and if they do talk behind your back like that. then that means that they don’t deserve you
@free2118 Thank you. But I’m probably just overthinking they all seem really nice
I feel like I have moments where I’m adding to the conversation and a alright person to be around but it’s so overshadowed by how quiet I usually am.
@Hilltop9394 But I saw a poster outside and they’re making a crow remake. So hopefully that’s good
well each person over analyzes themselves and i think that is what you are doing. i bet they don’t even think that at all. so you’ll be ok. don’t overthink it too much and just keep trying your best and being comfortable whenever you want to be.