Struggling Marriage
If anyone else is going through a struggling marriage and would like to talk about it?
@gatorBoy1314
@toughTiger6481 feel free to share. I am struggling myself. Going to marriage counseling and not really seeing any improvement. We are moving further and further apart. Feels like I have a flashlight searching for my marriage.
@gatorBoy1314
i understand ... i went to counseling myself since my spouse see nothing is wrong... counseling does not work when only one is trying ... just realized it is not worth putting any more effort in then they are not chasing this.
my partner is ill/ depressed and OK with rotting away on the couch so be it i am looking to start dating or having fwb to do things with as spouse is content being nothing more then TV / web browsing someday he will look up and see i left.
Sounds tough. I'm sorry. Try to do things for yourself that make you happy.
@gatorBoy1314
I have been at the "trying to repair stage" a long time ... it really should not be that hard ......at one point you love someone........ we all change and we should grow together... be friends / support each other and tell each other things. Instead some fall into" i know everything about you" and you become a fixture like a chair that they simply have no respect or admiration for......
example: spouse came home says a place a short drive away is having a strawberry festival ... tells me all about we should go etc..... one thing is i do NOT like strawberries ....never have.... just reminded him of this less then a month ago when he being so thoughtful since i had some dental work needed soft food bought the largest container of Strawberry yogurt i would NOT eat ..
But he is saying isn't he being thoughtful and willing to get out of the house and i AM being a stick in the mud....
Maybe go to the festival and don't eat strawberries. Find something that you like, I'm sure there could be something.
@gatorBoy1314
I have done that for years...........go along smile and pretend. That is WHY he thought i liked this or that and NOPE. He buys things saying i thought you like this ... i tell him NO you like it i am not your shadow or you invisible friend and if you cannot figure out IF i like something ask .... i will no longer smile and eat something I hate.
i will tell you that looking the other way giving kudos for half a88 effort only builds up resentment and disdain. I got out of house on my own and he sat and watched TV perfect weekend for him.... i swear he does this on purpose. So i told him we can be roommates but his being this way has killed any feelings for him i once had... just looking at him sometimes makes me angry.
did some yard word have an electric blower did about half took a break he had not got off couch at all but did to come out and roll up extension cord like i was done... seriously he thought that was helping.
So how is your world looks tones better then mine and you may have a different perspective now that even though it is not where you would like it can be worse.
I would share your thoughts, without any concern for his response. I'd let him know that rolling up the extension cord is an easy job and you would prefer him helping. I'm in a marriage where I have to ask and my wife expects me to know. So im very sensitive to an expectation for someone to understand someone feelings without communication of those feelings.
Id even go so far as to tell him how you feel about his response, how you feel he is watching too much TV and how you are falling out of love. This could help you move forward without resentment and would be helpful I think.
@gatorBoy1314
All good points... i have told him many times how i feel or no longer feel ....... and he pays attention for a short time and then poof back to same old same old...
he has blamed everything from childhood to health issues even his hearing as to why he is what he is .... it is NOT the big things that break a marriage ........ in my opinion but small things ..... when i told him a cable show he watched before had new season...........He shook his head like he hears me and I understand this is a practice some use to hide hearing loss so i am completely aware of this tactic ... BUT then later in day when looking at TV listings .......... HE says to me " did you know they made a second season?" He has zero idea why i would be exasperated by that. Happens over and over and he claims he listens only hears half and assumes the rest and does not see how that leads to misunderstanding?????