feeling better, but for how long ?
//tw: intrusive thoughts n such//
sometimes i seriously think im getting better again with my intrusive thoughts and such. like, i'll feel totally normal for almost a FULL day. but then i do something simple, literally ANYTHING- like coming across something mildly disturbing without meaning to, getting in an argument with family members, showering/using the bathroom, or go to bed, and... it feels like my brain did a reset, and then i'll be flipping out again over things that already happened/that i cant control all over again. i find it extra hard to keep things at bay in the shower, mainly because in there there's no distractions. its rlly discouraging, especially when i have such vivid moments of just,, almost blissful amounts of normality.
@tokkittalgi
Hey Tokkittalgi,
I have struggled with the same problem recently, and found mindful meditation/yoga/ breathing exercises have helped.
I use guided meditation for 30 minutes once or twice a week. I found that making a conscious effort to relax and stay calm allowed me to address my anxiety head on, and I learnt I could defeat it whenever I wanted to. I probably did one everyday for the first week.
It isn’t very practical, because a 30 minute guided meditation can’t be carried around with you, and it gets boring.
I began to replace the meditations with yoga routines, just for fitness and variety. I was totally confused at first and did random beginner’s routines, with no idea how or why I was holding any pose, but I was using the breathing exercises from the meditations with each transition. I found going from a sitting to crouch to standing would accelerate my heart rate, and I could use breathing exercises to center myself.
I’ve since started to intentionally structure my routines, to accelerate my heart rate to the level of an anxiety attack, and then breathing to re-centre myself. It’s given me a 60 second breathing exercise that allows me to center myself quickly in pretty much any situation.
Once I realized what I’d done, (pretty much by accident) I began practicing it as a physical exercise, for that purpose. Routine has been done in the same place and time that I used for my meditation. I’ve maintained the 30 minutes a day, where I’m calm and relaxed and have self control.
(It is worth mentioning that I do a lot of journaling and engage in CBT. I’ve been at peace with myself a lot lately, and understand what you mean about getting anxious because you’re not getting anxious. I find guided meditation to be a really good start to seeing anxiety as something that you can deal with head on, because the first time you try to tell your brain, you want it to sit down and relax for a half hour, it’ll probably fight back.
Best of luck, I hope something here is helpful.