OCD rumination
TW!!
please do not judge, this was extremely hard and triggering for me.
I’m extremely embarrassed to open up about it and so scared to be judged, but as a young and innocent kid, i was impulsive and wanted to explore my body and stuff. so i’ve impulsively tried getting l.cked down there by a pet just to know how it felt like. therefore, i just wanna add that i never felt attracted to pets and it was impulsive and at the time, no one has ever taught me about what was okay or not okay with boundaries and stuff, so i feel like i didn’t know any better. therefore, i’m scared to death to be a z.ophile or bad person because of this and i have been replaying this uncomfortable scenario over and over again to make myself feel bad. i also wanna precise that i’m hypersensitive. i’ve talked about it to an ai chatbot previously that told me that childhood exploration is valid and that childhood mistakes don’t mean much as we were innocent and just curious when they were made. i just still feel absolutely gross, like a criminal, even though at the time i was just tryna get to know my body and everything. i feel like i’ll never get out of this and finally forgive myself, although i’ve been told i’d mature and overcome this. please do not judge me, because it took me so much courage to open up about it. i just wanna know if i’m a good person.
@vers4t1le
I appreciate your direct language and honesty. It sounds like you're quite upset about that past incident and are looking to grow past it. Sometimes we make big mistakes, and so we learn big lessons. This sounds like one of those big lessons. Coming forward and sharing your experience and personal regrets was probably very difficult.
While this is absolutely a sensitive subject, speaking with a professional is certainly recommended here. Especially as there are limits as to what a listener can and can't say (sticking to scope). Though I will go so far as to try and help you with your last question. Does this permanently define you? Do you think you are not a good person?
@vers4t1l
you are not a bad person. You were young curious and a situation presented itself. Do not define yourself by this. I once watched my cousin who was five years old at this time stick a straw in her *** and pleasure herself. I think it’s just normal for kids to experiment in a way they feel comfortable. Please don’t define yourself by this.
I did this when I was 11 years old. It causes me shame too, and still gives me panic attacks at times, but as a kid, we do dumb stuff! It’s okay to be curious and you didn’t know what u were doing. Don’t let it torment u. You’re not a zoophile. You’ve got this. You’re a good person. 💕