Help:)
Hi!
I’ve been experiencing some annoying and disturbing obsessions and compulsions that affect my happiness and how safe I feel, also they affect my concentration if I’m feeling anxious during schoolwork. The symptoms def increase when I’m anxious.
I’ve looked at symptoms, and I show quite a few related to ocd (but I know I can’t self-diagnose myself), such as:
-most symptoms of paralysis related ocd (I experience sleep paralysis, so that might have triggered it)
-MANY harm ocd obsessions/intrusive thoughts
-Performing any action over and over, e.g. closing doors
-Rearranging, reordering, organizing things repeatedly
-Changing wording many times in emails or notes
-Extreme need for balance, such placing items symmetrically or walking with the same amount of pressure on each foot
-Lining and arranging my clothes in a certain manner in the closet (rainbow, shirts then dresses then jumpers)
-Usually anxiety over prime numbers and numbers not a multiple of 5 (for example, the number 43 causes me great discomfort..
-(I have Volume OCD, I get stressed and must round up or down u number to a multiple of 5, though it might be too loud or too quiet.
-checking behaviours
(I don’t know if it’s related to ocd, but if I know it is, I can get help on how to get rid of these)
I feel like I want to get tested for OCD, but I'm afraid my mum won't take me seriously when I ask her, or it will cost too much.
I want to figure out if I should ask her and explain it, and if so, how..
Thnx so much!!
HERE ARE SOME REAL LIFE EXAMPLES FOR ME:
For some reason, I feel compelled to make everything even if I haven’t done the same to another side.
For example, on my keyboard, I feel compelled to press/type the letter that I haven’t been using, just to make it even to the ones I use.
Like when I’m typing, I rarely use the q or w, so I feel really uncomfortable, as if I am drawn to press them, filling the space.
Usually on my keyboard and phone I will type those letters just to make it even like thisqwqqw, and then delete it.
Sometimes I have to slide my hand across the screen to fill the empty spaces on it that haven’t been touched.
Not doing this brings me a lot of discomfort, but when I “make it more even” I feel better.
Another example is today, in class, my teacher typed this on OneNote: RAtios. This gave me an unbearable amount of stress and discomfort as well as a bit of anxiety for some reason 😂.
Next, usually, if I scratch my palm on one hand, I feel compelled to mirror that on the other hand, so they feel the same (one usually feels empty until I scratch both). This is the same with nearly every movement my hand makes on certain days. (like scratching one leg, I gotta scratch the other equally)
Lastly, if I find that I wrote something in the wrong spot of the paper, I suddenly feel a surge to scribble that empty space, which usually results in me scribbling over a few notes, and the scribble usually extends to the edge of the page (filling the “empty space”.
Also if I picture a number like 43 (sorry, I just hate that number 😂), I just scribble it out in my mind for some reason. I don’t understand why this happens:(
This mainly is in my mind, as the “empty space is actually not empty compared to the rest of the paper, but my brain just wants me to fill it?
(Sorry, that’s A LOT of information)
thnx:)
@Bluecat10
Hello! I am Hypergraphia.
I can relate with your symptoms of OCD, especially with the numbers, arranging stuff, and doing things repeatedly. It's like our mind is telling something that we must do (compulsions) so that we can ease our anxiety.
As someone who has been clinically diagnosed with OCD and GAD, it is better to seek for a professional help. And hey, I can relate also about how your parents would think about it. In my case, I didn't tell my mom about my conditions. But my elder sisters knows about it. I know it's not easy when no one in the family understands your situation. But why not give it a try to explain these things to them? Who knows someone from your family will completety understand and support you on this battle.
Thank you so much, you can’t understand how helpful this is to me. (And it’s nice to know Im not the only one) I’ll see my mum this weekend and try to tell her:) thanks so much 💕
@Bluecat10
You are warmly welcome my dear. I've always wanted to find people with the same experiences, I believe we can help and learn from each other.
I'm wishing everything will go well as for you and your mom. Hoping for the best.
P. S.
Update me what happens next. I'm always here 😊
Oh yeah, I forgot to say, usually these obsessions and the *need* to carry out the compulsions gets a lot stronger during anxious days and times
(like when I’m doing a report at home that is due the next day,
which leads to a waste of time),
and I usually don’t carry out many obsessions other times of the day/year.
also, just when ocd, depression or anxiety or stuff is mentioned, I get a bit more anxious, like I’m afraid i have them or something, so then I carry out the obsessions/compulsions!!
(I do have depression tho, I just get sad/anxious when I’m reminded and I feel like I’m a weird mentally I’ll person from the point of others and then I get in a spiral…)
That is a REALLY bad way of explaining, but is it normal to have reduced to no symptoms when ur not anxious/stressed/depressed?
gosh, I’m confused with what I wrote 😂
@Bluecat10
Yeah. Most of the time, symptoms occur when we are face with stressful circumstances. Like it feels like we have no control with our behaviour.
When I was still studying, it was the exact experience, compulsions tend to be stronger when I have to do some school activities or to review for exams.
I think it's safe to say (based on my experiences) that symptoms tend to be reduce when we are on our easy days.
