False Memory OCD
Hey all,
this is my first post in this community. I’ve written one post in the anxiety support and come to find out that this false memory OCD is linked with anxiety.
I’ve never been formally diagnosed but after reading an article, I pretty much agree with a lot of the symptoms.
Most of my life I have not really experienced this… I can only recall one time back in middle school where I was questioning reality but I quickly got over it. But now that I’m older, I feel like within the last six months of this year, that it’s gotten worse.
For example, I started a new job a month ago as an assistant manager. I’ve had a couple bumps here and there since working but it’s expected since I’m new to the role and trying to understand the processes of the job. But I’m always anxious about whether or not I’m doing the right thing or if I’m doing OK in the role.
So far, everything has been alright… up until I told my mom how last night, when I closed with one of the team members, I had asked about the last assistant manager (they obviously no longer work there) and what they were like. (I had heard that they weren’t exactly the best) so I was curious. The team member recalled the brief time the last assistant was there but then Segway-ed into talking about our boss.
It was really nothing but gossip. I only listened the whole time while the team member described how our boss used to be, such as over sharing details about her relationship, how she expects a lot out of new hired staff, and how she was very cold at one point. While the team member was telling all this to me, I just listened and didn’t say much. Mostly because these were details I never knew.
When I explained to my mom how the team member was talking about the boss, she warned me to not add on to any future conversation when it comes to talking about the boss. Which, I agreed, I would never add on to the conversation to talk about my boss that way. But then it got me worried, and I asked myself, did I say anything that night?
Clearly, as I just described the night in these last few paragraphs I didn’t, but it’s the false memory OCD where I’m questioning myself if I really did or didn’t say anything. It makes me feel or think because this team member was talking about the boss, that they will maybe say something to our boss over the weekend that we talked about her and involve me when I clearly didn’t say a word.
There was at one point, this particular team member had told me that she shares details with me because she notices how I don’t say anything (most likely meaning how I don’t repeat what she says and continue in the gossip) and felt that she can trust me. Being in this role, I would like for the team to feel that they can trust me if they need to talk about serious things, whether work related or not.
But my fear kind of lingers on the “what if” this team member decides to start trouble by saying that I was talking about my boss? I don’t know why I feel this way when this team member has never been known to act this way or do this type of behavior (from what I know) but I know the worst thing that could happen is when I return to work is my boss confronts me about it and asks what was said, and I’d be truthful about it. (If this said scenario was to happen)
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this type of OCD? How do you cope with this?
@mayarsaur Hello there, and welcome to the community! I appreciate you sharing your experience with false memory OCD and the anxiety it's causing. It's not uncommon to feel anxious about whether you've said or done something you haven't. That uncertainty can be quite challenging. I'm here to offer support and understanding.
In terms of coping, you might consider trying mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or meditation to help ground yourself in the present. These practices may offer some relief from the anxiety associated with false memories. Additionally, challenging negative thoughts when they arise might be helpful. Ask yourself if there's any concrete evidence supporting your fears. Often, recognizing the lack of evidence can provide a bit of reassurance.
If you haven't already, it might be worth reaching out to a mental health professional. They can offer guidance and support tailored to your specific situation, providing coping strategies and helping you explore the root causes of your anxiety.
Remember to be kind to yourself throughout this process. Everyone experiences moments of uncertainty, and it's okay not to have everything figured out all the time. You're not alone in facing these challenges, and if you ever want to talk more or share your thoughts, feel free to reach out. Wishing you luck as you navigate through this 💚
It’s very understandable but it sounds like it’s the OCD looking for reassurance. But unfortunately, with OCD, reassurance is a dirty word. Going over and over the details, it’s like going down a rabbit hole and you never can get out of there. And it makes the OCD worse.
The answer to what you said or didn’t say about the boos is something you don’t remember and leave it at that.. It’s really really difficult.
For future conversations you can just stop anyone in their tracks by saying that you are not comfortable talking about your boss. And if your boss did approach you, you can say that you don’t remember and leave it at that ( Is that reassuring you? if so I must stop).
Also your mum is going to have to figure out when you are talking and when the OCD is looking for reassurance.
I know with my family member we used to get into long conversations about similar stuff. Then I read a book about OCD and realised that the OCD was looking for reassurance. Now I recognise it and I tell her that I can’t answer her, but we can talk about her feelings but nothing to do about the OCD. And it’s painful and difficult but it’s the only way to loosen the bully in your head.
The good news is that there is a gold standard treatment for OCD that works well. It’s called EPR and it basically is about exposing yourself to the OCD thoughts but best to go with support.
This may be helpful
Take care