Self harm sometimes, but not always?

@SuperWhoLock88

I've also dealt with this a lot. I think it's an anxiety tic of sorts. I used to deal with severe (intentional) self harm, winding myself up in the hospital. I've been doing good with abstaining from it, but my picking has gotten even worse. Most times I'm not even aware that I'm doing it. Even when I was about 8 I would pull out strands of hair to the point of noticable bald spots. My intentional self harm was for emotional stress relief, but picking for me happens all on its own. And then when I do notice it I almost become OCD about it. Like let's say I looked down and noticed my arm was starting to bleed from a scab. I am now aware of the action, but no matter how hard I try to ignore it I HAVE to get the rest of the scab off. Same with biting the skin around my fingers. Once you get one piece of skin off another one begins to peel off and thus you end up biting the skin off your fingers almost constantly. Sometimes I even have picking sessions that I don't mean to start. It usually starts with just squeezing out a black head and then 2 hours pass and I've pinched and poked at every pore on my face, (usually just making my face more oily than it was before leading to possible new acne, not to mention scars.)

In a way I think our (or atleast my) picking habits come up from the feeling of not having control in our lives. Picking gives the sense of wanting to perfect something or remove imperfections, (even though more times than not the picking simply leaves more scabbing and blemishes.) I think in a way it is a form of subconcious OCD and insecurity of not being perfect or in control. It may even just help with anxious feelings. The picking feeling gives you something to do with your hands and draws your focus into the physical world, slowing your thoughts and making you feel like you arent just sitting there, vulnerable. It gives you a mission in a way.

Picking yourself in literal text book terms is 'self harm,' because you are technically causing harm to yourself. But that would be the same as calling piercings and tattoos a form of self harm. I mean in literal terms, yes. But intentional behaviours such as burning, cutting ext are much more intentional and violent than picking. Picking is trying to remove something already there, cutting and burning inflict new wounds and are a lot more intentional. Many people use this type of self harm after or while they have experienced intense overwhelming emotions. They do it with an intention of causing harm and relieving themselves. Most people who pick don't even realize they're doing it until it's gotten to the point where it hurts enough or you bleed.

But that also doesn't mean that picking can't be a form of self harming to cope. A lot of the times when my cuts were healing and I would become upset I would reopen the wounds by picking off the scabs instead of inflicting new wounds.

Either way I think it's pretty common that people who pick are dealing with either/or anxiety, depression, and/or OCD. If it's actually deliburate self harm really depends on the person. If they conciously do it with the intention of causing harm them I would classify it as such. Otherwise it's more of a compulsive tick that the person can't help or does subconsiously.