OCD & Related Behaviors Community

OCD and procrastination

by crescentSmoon

4 hours ago

introduction

by generousEyes493

1 day ago

Learning that you have OCD

by reliablePark8851

2 days ago

idk just an unorganized vent

by ivoryDog4942

3 days ago

...See more a couple years ago I had a therapist who told me I have very mild ocd and supposedly but neurologist said that and i just forget. fast forward to now and i don’t beleive it. it gets worse whenever it falls out of my subconscious and into my stream of consciousness. i thought knowing my thoughts and writing them all down would help. now i have a page of all the reasons i hate myself and think im a bad person. my therapist only heard about my mild symptoms. if i could let myself keep a therapist maybe i could explain myself but the second id try talking things out, id go speechless and helpless. if i could share my thoughts, they’d only hurt worse. hearing the word ocd even in my head makes my intrusive thoughts worse. and even then i tell myself im faking or lying to myself. i keep trying to fix my self esteem but i need to stop hearing these thoughts first. but the idea of getting affirmed on if i do have ocd or not ( which i think i was told i have it unless that was another delusion, its complicated 😭) haunts me because it reminds me of my thoughts. i need to let it go because if i did telll someone out loud, they’d think i was crazy or tell me to stop listening to my bad thoughts. but now i feel like letters are unsafe and it’s just bad and okay and bad again on and on. i have things that trigger thinking about my intrusive thoughts (well listening to them) and the loop never ends. the thoughts keep forming into bigger monsters in my head and im not someone to share my thoughts unless im trauma dumping or over sharing so i never feel like i can tell anyone. then i also tell myself i dont have ocd because so many others have it and i just always tell myself im lying to myself. i used to repeatedly insult myself in my head. anyways sorry for hopping from thoughts to thought- i guess this was a rant. and sorry for the poor grammar, i can do better but a few months ago i kind of just gave up on writing thanks for reading my vent/ rant idk what to call it

OCD spouses

by MariaRoma

3 days ago

Intrusive Thoughts - My Story Excerpt

by warmheartedOrange2727

Saturday

...See more Hi. I’m extremely new here. Not really even sure what this is, but I’m desperate. I suffer with OCD and intrusive thoughts. The thoughts I have are evil, sickening to me, and downright wrong. They are all the exact OPPOSITE of my morals and do not represent me in the slightest, yet they still control my life. I have always had this problem for as long as I can remember. When I was young, I remember running into my parents room in the middle of the night, scared them or myself would die over night, always concerned about the worst of the worst happening. I get a new scratch or bump? Flesh eating bacteria, cancer. Automatically assuming the worst, and the stress eats me alive for a few hours and sometimes days. Growing up my thoughts of death became more sexual. I use to have graphic sexual intrusive thoughts about Jesus. I am a devout Catholic as well. Miserable thoughts to be having in 8th grade. This eventually went away as I grew, but still pops up from time to time. I think you get the point here, lots of issues. BUT, the whole reason I found this site is because of what I have been struggling with for about 5 years now. My senior year of high school I was a camp counselor. I thought to myself one day at camp, “That little girl is pretty and is going to grow up to be beautiful.” Not in a predatory way at all, in a serious, wow that’s a pretty little girl way, and my brain RAN with it. Since this moment 5 years ago I have struggled severely with POCD. I have terrible intrusive thoughts around children and fear I am a threat to them, even though I KNOW I am very far from a threat, but my brain does everything it can to convince me otherwise. Going to church is a struggle, being around families with younger children, crying kids during the service. I am trying to focus on church and my mind is flooded with terrible thoughts of harming these kids….I have a 4 year old niece and a 2 year old nephew. I have struggled severely around them, especially my niece. For quite a long time I would avoid them, and be afraid to go near them because of the “chance” I would harm them. This is so painful, feeling this way around my own family? I question myself, what is wrong with me? I have been in therapy for about 3 years, trying all sorts of strategies. I feel like there has been some growth, I am learning, but I’m still getting frustrated. I want them to just be over, forever. There are good days and really bad days. But I can’t become consistent , the bad days outweigh the good days. When will the thoughts go away forever? I know who I am and what is right, why does it feel like my brain is trying to convince me I’m something else? When will this end? If you actually took the time to read this, thank you.

Growth in Emotional Intelligence: Reacting vs Responding

by TheGirlWhoFeltTooMuch

October 26th

...See more In my years on this Earth and throughout the lessons, I've learned that holding back those immediate reactions (emotions) can be quite challenging. It is especially difficult for someone who has experienced hurtful and emotional things throughout their life that could cause them to be easily hurt or offended. Because, put plainly, reacting is the result of a trigger. For myself, someone who is highly sensitive to emotions (my own and others' emotions) and has CPTSD in response to some rather stressful and difficult lessons, it can be immensly challenging to withhold a reaction; particularly when the feelings that come up are similar to the ones you experienced during the painful moments in your past. However, I have also learned that the practice of responding instead of reacting is actually part of the healing process. In the past, I have instinctually and negatively reacted to situations where I have felt the intense need to defend myself, which truly only resulted in me giving up my power over the situation and led to ugly consequences, leaving me feeling not just offended, but also ashamed and embarassed. Thanks for nothing, primitive brain! {Quick educational insert: neuroscience lesson: reacting and responding are actually "controlled" by different areas of the brain. The primitive brain, or the amygdala, is fast, instinctual, and driven by emotions, so it's responsible for our instincts and those emotional reactions, and when we feel threatened (offended, insulted, hurt, provoked, annoyed, etc.) or stressed, the primitive brain takes over (and is really our default mode in stressful situations). When this happens we have taken away most of our options because we are left with fight, flight, freeze, or fawn! The prefrontal cortex controls our executive functioning like decision-making, problem-solving, self-control, etc., and is deliverate, slow, and requires conscious effort, so this area is responsible for the responding option. This allows us control and power in how we respond and gives us so many more options!} Also, I'll mention here that those who struggle with executive dysfunction, such as those with ADHD, ASD, depression, personality disorders, learning disabilities (basically anyone who is neurodivergent may have issues with their executive functioning), PTSD, dependency, brain disorders, etc., may have a more trying time with 'reacting vs responding' and should try to take extra care and give extra grace to oneself when working on this challenge! I am one of these people, and I wish someone would have told me that I would probably struggle with this area more than others; however, this is all a part of growing and becoming our best, authentic self! Also, building emotional intelligence takes time, so extend yourself grace and unconditional love!! One might think that this is easily remedied by just telling oneself to think before acting, but it's not ever really that simple when we're talking about emotions, experiences, or perspectives! What I have learned is that the key to responding, instead of reacting, lies in our emotional intelligence! Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your own emotions and understand the emotions of the people around you and is comprised by empathy, effective communication skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation. (For those interested in learning more about emotional intelligence here is the link to one of my favorite bits of research regarding this subject: "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman [https://asantelim.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/daniel-goleman-emotional-intelligence.pdf]). To learn to grow in emotional intelligence, it is important to pause and listen! I remember a song Mr. Rogers sang, "If you will Look carefully. Listen carefully. That's a way to keep on growing carefully. Look, look, look, and listen". Actually, Mr. Rogers tried to teach us a lot about growing our emotional intelligence! A quote of his says "Listening is where love begins: listening to ourselves and then to our neighbors.” I feel like the most important parts of learning to be responsive is to pause (of course)-which stops the primitive brain from taking over- and then to become the observer of the situation (look and listen); so focus on the issue rather than a person. Look at it as a "person with a problem" instead of seeing the "person as a problem". A pause, or mindfulness, can occur in many different ways and what works for one person may not work for another, so it's important that we find the "pause" that works best for us! Mindfulness can be deep breathing, counting, affirmations, taking in nature, walking, running, running your hands under water, finding things around you that make up each of the colors of the rainbow, or anything else that involves an action that is focused and purpose-filled. Now, please know that I am not saying one should ignore or push aside their feelings, as it's actually quite the opposite! After your form of "pause" where you take that moment to look and listen, it's important to evaluate the emotion we are experiencing. Look and listen for it, name it, dissect it, just don't shy away from it. This society has taught us that emotions are useless, irrational, or even childish and that emotions "good" or "bad", but this is the biggest load of poo I've ever heard, in my opinion ;-) One of my favorite quotes about feelings and the strength it takes to accept them and grow from them states, “Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.” (Mr. Rogers of course). Emotional intelligence is not about controlling our emotions, but rather about controlling the behaviors related to the emotions we are feeling. The moment you can acknowledge the emotion, you can then take ownership and responsibility for the way you respond!! Unfortunately, in my current environment, I see people react more than respond. This is rather frustrating for me because, as a mother, it is very important to me that my kids are in an environment that helps them to grow into adults who know they are unconditionally loved, kind, compassionate empaths, amazingly unique, kind, emotionally intelligent, caring, have a healthy sense of emotional presence, and are kind!!! But this is a whole other subject! The most important thing in this situation is that I am making moves and changes to create a new emotional and spiritual environment for my children until we can physically change it.

Help with Dermatillomania?

by Dermatillomania

October 26th

OCD About Relationship?

by convivialCat4521

October 24th

Can’t leave

by kismet93

October 24th

where to begin ? (how i think my ocd-type thing started)

by tokkittalgi

October 18th

...See more //tw: religious stuff, generally distressing material i remember the day this started. august 23rd, 2024. id just woken up, and was finishing up getting the rest of my things packed, because my fam was going on a 3-day trip to disneyland. which is pretty exciting stuff. so i was minding my own business in the living room, and my mom comes out of her room, tells me good morning... everything's fine and dandy for a grand total of 5 minutes or so. and then... she picks something up; a lil flashcard, which i still dont know HOW the heck it got out of my room, and she briefly looked it over. turns out, it wasnt just a flashcard, but a VERY private piece of vent writing. and yes, in retrospect it was quite disturbing what had been written there, but thats how i try to cope with things in a household where therapy isnt an option and my feelings are constantly invalidated. so, my mom read this over and she was basically like "tokki, wtf is this ?" i tried explaining to her WHY i felt the need to write down this kind of stuff, and she was just NOT having it. she continuously called me crazy, pointed at me, told me i better start looking to god for forgiveness and that im going to h-ll, among other things, and just generally not letting me get a word in. to add insult to injury, she implied that she had been contemplating giving me my phone back (something i dont believe for one second) and that now i didnt deserve it. she called it embarrassing that im 17 and dont have a phone, and just generally ragged on how ashamed she is of me. how did i react? some tears, but... for the most part, fine. fine packing, fine in the car, just... a little numb and bummed out. that was a given, but i just felt... off-kilter. even when we got to disneyland, i felt no sort of joy about the evening. but when we got to the hotel to sleep... that's when things started getting weird. my mind began to wander and... implanted a thought, and a repressed memory that have both been tormenting me for a solid month and then some. and here i am. so im not sure if that whole argument before the trip is what set this off, but i was WAY better off beforehand.

Happy OCD awareness week

by animalsarecute45

October 17th

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