Daily Chit Chat with a Friend

@Psalm139

It sounds like the schooling part is a wonderful uplifter and motivator so that's good. When is the funeral (i forgot)? Pretty nice the aunt making something special for the kids.

Do you know why you feel like crying... do you want to talk about it or maybe later? I don't have to act for the sake of others. I think that makes you very strong and selfless. (my dogs don't care how i act lol)

Trying to clean the kitchen now and I did get a lot done with my paperwork. 1/2 days work taking 4 days... and still not done 100%

ps I'm not getting notifications when you post & reply, I've been noticing that for the past few days.... maybe we need to use the heart button...?idk?

^{@IsayUncle Hmmm not sure why you don't get notified. I have been hitting reply unless the button isn't there. Then I post to thread and tag you.}

^{It sounds like you got quite a bit done. I need to get going on cleaning and painting in the kitchen too. Yeah I mean it's hard to pretend to be ok sometimes. It can be exhausting. But also it helps to have a reason to try beyond myself. You have your dogs. I'm sure they give you that sense of purpose and being needed💙}

^{The funeral is Thursday morning but we leave Wednesday at noon.}

@Psalm139

Get 'er done 💚, We'll talk more later or tomorrow!

@IsayUncle That kitchen picture looks so much like my kitchen right now it's funny. All my cabinets are on one wall. The sink is full of soap with dishes soaking, and there is a can of paint on the counter!

I'm just taking a break again now. Got some dishes and painting done. I forgot to answer your question about feeling like crying. It's a fairly normal feeling for me. I think today it's probably just emotional overwhelm with everything going on right now. Your message almost made me cry too honestly but only because it was so sweet and it is rare for people to seem to understand me/the way I think.

I hope you are ok. What are things that make you feel better? Do you have favorite music? Do you listen to audiobooks at all? I like to do both when I'm cleaning or doing projects. Taking a shower and going outside or doing yoga help too. Do you have a favorite movie or show? Or do you watch YouTube?

Sometimes all I can do is take my medicine or take a nap to try to reset my brain and hope I wake up better.

💙

@Psalm139

Things should be easier for you after the funeral and things level out for a bit so just hang in there. At least you're able to stay proactive with moving the furniture around and painting the kitchen. All that stuff will be done in a little while too. AND that should feel soooo gooood when done.

All my music, audio books, motivational videos and new's outlets come from You-Tube. All my TV comes from amazon prime (With news outlets also) and Netflix. I discovered Guzheng or Guzheng type music (Chinese music) on youtube. I really like that when i'm trying to stay focused and productive. I can truly be in the mood for all genre's of music except screaming hateful type music regardless of the genre.

Sadly a couple of month's ago I drove over my very nice pair of noise cancelling headsets. I bought some earbuds but not they're not the same and I lost those recently too. lol I should get me another pair of headsets.... they really helped stay in a groove throughout the day.

TV is just a distraction. I watch it when I'm depressed or tired. (Way too much this weekend) Umbrella Factory - Netflix.

@IsayUncle

We are about the same with tv but we also have Hulu+Disney+. I have had audible on and off though and have collected audiobooks from those times. And I use Spotify for music and podcasts. Tv is mostly mind numbing entertainment or background noise for me too, but I have a few shows I actually like. I do love the educational aspect of YouTube. I got a lot of camping ideas from there and I watch recipe and meal plan videos. And there are homeschooling videos too that I watch sometimes.

You are probably right that after the funeral I will feel better. It is just a lot to think about, prepare for, and deal with emotionally. I did get some more work done in the kitchen. I'm going to keep at it and maybe still finish tonight. We'll see!

💙

@Psalm139

Yeah, me too with trying to do a bit more into the evening.

@Psalm139

BTW, my brain fart.... best and easiest + free fire starters. Do you use stick butter? The empty waxed wrappers. Fold them length wise over and over until they are skinny. Store them in a quart bag in freezer or fridge. Fill the bag up and you'll have plenty. Bring them camping in cooler or out in open, don't really matter except critters might get'em. You can use them straight, or in halves or tie in a loose knot. Use several in damp conditions. 😃

@Psalm139

I forgot... The biggest thing I love about You-Tube is the educationals and instructionals. It is is my teacher in all things!

@IsayUncle, hi!! I can say I had a pretty normal day.

@eclipzwe222

HI, That really sounds good. 😊

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@IsayUncle

That's a good idea with the stick butter wrappers! I will try that! Thank you💙

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@Psalm139

Yea, they work real good. They have wax and grease on them. 💚 I thought it was my original idea and it was but I just looked it up on the net and saw posts as far back as 2010..... 😜 Oh well lol!

I hope you got done what you wanted to.

@IsayUncle Lol! Well I hadn't heard of that idea before, so thank you😊. I got a good amount done. Not quite finished but I have tomorrow. There are just so many little places to cover. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'll update my picture with the progress though. The dark blue is painters tape!

Goodnight 💙

@Psalm139 Good Morning

WOW that looks great! What a calming soft green, great color and I'm sure the white backdrop brightens everything up nice. Good job M.

I hope you have a good day. Maybe finish that up and then get started for the trip so everything will be easier on Wednesday. It'll be nice to come home to a bright / new kitchen.
(for me) - I'm back to work today.

@IsayUncle Good morning 💙. And thanks, I'm liking how it looks. I will try to finish today. Getting ready for tomorrow shouldn't be too difficult as long as the shoes that I ordered fit everyone! I have to get groceries today too though. And I'll have some fruit, drinks, and snacks in the cooler.

I hope you are having a good day back to work💙. Any plans after work?

@Psalm139

I hope all the shoes fit or a quick walmart stop is on the horizon. 😟.

Beautiful picture of your grandma and everyone. That was nice to post that.

My Plans??? I'm applying for a $40,000 dollar loan tomorrow. My mind is kind of blown right now but I have to put some information together. I have a chance to buy dump truck, backhoe and trailer (big stuff)... at a fraction of the value. NERVES going crazy! Just looking at the possibility to see if it's doable. I'd be stupid not to commit but the commitment is just that... serious obligation. I set up the meeting for wednesday thinking today was monday... dumb-ass. Don't mean to be ranting with everything you got going on... but you asked😊. it'll be ok.

I hope you finish your kitchen and tomorrow goes smooth with preparing and traveling. 🙏

I agree. Thank you!

@Pixiecut

You're Welcome

@diplomaticTurtle8314

Ugggh... I know how you feel. Ahhhhh no phone.... perfect!

@IsayUncle I love that picture💙. I love all our pictures of her. You can just see how much she loved the kids and how they loved her.

All the shoes fit so everyone is ready except my husband. He's at Kohl's now. I just have to get showers and baths for everyone and lint roll and pack the clothes (and the lint roller - 3 cats). I didn't finish the painting and I think I'm too anxious now. Oh well. I'll post a final picture when it is all done.

A 40,000 loan is a huge commitment but I know you know what you can handle and afford and if the investment is worth it. I'm excited for you if that's what you decide to do! And yes, I did ask. You have things going on too and I want to hear about them💙

I think I will have time to message a couple of times tomorrow and Thursday, just not as much as usual. But I'll be around. Definitely lmk what happens at your meeting! 💙

@Psalm139

Yea, I'd say it's time to wind down and start absorbing grandma time and plans. That's great you got some real good pictures of joy and love (Wonderful!)... and all the shoes fit, whew, good job.

Have a good night and I hope you get realxed enough to sleep. You've done good this week and plans are good so breath and have an inner smile at bedtime for the good things. Corny but it works 💚

Good night.

@IsayUncle Thank you💙. Yeah I've been ok today mostly. Just have to make it through the next two days. Good night 💙

@Psalm139

Good Morning, I hope you slept well. I also hope you packed well, travel well and arrive well. Have safe travels and easy conversations. Try to have a very good day even as you are going to mourn and sorrow is heavy on everyones heart. 🙏

@IsayUncle You are so sweet, thank you. Today will be mostly just getting there. Justin's dad and uncle (Grandma's two sons) and their wives won't be arriving until about 8, so today shouldn't be too high stress. I thought we were going to have to go out to eat. Also we probably won't leave until closer to 2 now. Tomorrow is the day that will be the most sad , long, and stressful. But I already packed my medicine so I can't forget it. That's all I can really do to make it easier. But like I told my (13 year old) daughter, it's ok to cry. No one will think you're too sensitive if you cry at something like this. She is sensitive like me and cries easily and she worries about things like that too.

Anyway we are mostly packed. I cut the 3 boys' hair plus my husband's last night. I actually barely trimmed my four year old's hair because I just love it how it is - long, almost to his shoulders, so handsome 💙. I got donuts for breakfast from Walmart yesterday. I have drinks and snacks ready for the cooler. Clothes for the funeral are packed.

I hope you have a good day! What time is that meeting? I hope it goes just how you want it too! Let me know please💙

@Psalm139

Just a quick hello, I'm guessing you are getting close to grandma's We'll talk a lot more about me when you get home ok? Good news though, I'm good for the loan but me and the guy is going to work something else out which is good news too. I'm finally having a couple of beers and am in the mood to clean up my nuclear meltdown called "last week" LOL. I'm in good spirits.

I wish you an uncomplicated arrival, no drama and peaceful reflection with the family 💚

@Psalm139

How are you? Are things going OK?

@IsayUncle Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier! I'm sure you're in bed now. We are settled at the motel. I talked to Justin's family and am now in the room with the kids. He's still socializing. Took my medicine. I have a headache but I'm ok. I had some anxiety a few times today but overall it's ok. No total meltdowns. I was able to read your message in the car and I'm so happy you were able to work out a deal with the man without needing to get a loan. I look forward to hearing more about it tomorrow or whenever you want to tell me about your plans 💙. Tomorrow is going to be hard. We have to be ready to go at 8:10 am and will go to visitation, the funeral, and lunch after. We might be headed home around 4 or so and home by 8 or 9. I will try to check in if I can. 💙

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@Psalm139

Good Morning M.

My Thoughts and Prayers are with you and your family this morning. I'm sorry for your loss. 💚

@IsayUncle Good morning 💙. Just waking up and having coffee. Will take a shower soon and get ready. Thank you for your sweet words. Today will be hard and I'm already feeling sad, but it will be ok. The family was all very nice last night and everyone is in good spirits knowing that she had a full life. They said she looks like herself (for the viewing). That part is so hard when they don't look like themselves.

I know you weren't thinking of yourself in writing that message, but I'm thinking of you and hoping that you have a good day too💙

Could be this afternoon or evening before I have another opportunity to write.

I hope to talk to you later 💙

@Psalm139

Hey, I'll bet you all are emotionally and physically exhausted. 💚 I've had a full day ending with a community improvement meeting that kept me up way past my bedtime... I just got home.

You must be close to getting home too. I'll check back in about 1/2 hour but I hope you did ok today and your daughter too. We can talk more tomorrow. be easy with things this evening and get some good sleep if I don't hear from you.

@Psalm139

@IsayUncle. We just got home! Goodnight 💙

@Psalm139

Glad you all made it home safe and sound! Hope you slept well.

Good morning. 😊.

Good. I had fun with my teammates today. But I was barely paying attention in geometry and now I'm confused

@carefulNest7366

Oh Oh, sounds like trouble😊, You'll get it! It's always good to have some fun with friends. Good luck with the math.... don't give up.

@IsayUncle How are you today?💙. I was so tired. Just two very long days. I got up at 9 and took a nap at noon and just got up again. Hoping I will feel better after some coffee. I feel emotionally and physically exhausted. I held it together for the funeral and lunch and then we even went to visit Justin's mm who lives in an assisted living home in Minnesota. I'm glad we were there and happy we got through it. But it was draining.

Anyway, I'd love to hear more about you and how you're doing and that deal you made💙

@Psalm139

Hey M, I'm really glad you got some extra rest. You'll still need some more time to process everything and rest some more. But the worst of it is over and you'll be able to focus on regrouping. Be sure to let me know how things are going.

The equipment purchase is worrisome because it's a friend and the equipment is a huge desire for me but it still has a 2 year lien against it. $15,000 gamble on my part.... but worth $100,000 in equipment and first year of work profit. Hmmmm don't know? I'll talk to the banker again on Monday.

Other than that, I think I can start a daily routine without being pulled and pushed in several directions at once. That's starting to feel good but we'll see. 😜 I bet you have a lot of unpacking and organizing to do before finding a groove, so good luck with that.

@IsayUncle So what equipment is it and what would you use it for? What does it mean that it has a two year lien? What would be the gamble in it? You pay the money and the equipment is repossessed because of the lien? Sorry, I don't know a lot about those types of things. Sounds like you have a lot to consider though!

I want to make a routine too. Have you thought about what you want your routine to be?

I am not doing that well emotionally today. That usually happens when I hold it together too long.

Also I'm sad because I sent a message to my brother on Monday and I can tell he saw it but he won't reply. And I know it's my fault that he doesn't want anything to do with me but I'm still sad.

@Psalm139

You really held it together for the funeral. (+ road travel ... that's a lot) I think it is ok to crack now. let it flow. I'm sorry your brother didn't respond. I'm sorry it makes you so sad but it really does feel bad sometimes. 😟

The equipment is a dump truck, backhoe and trailer. My friend is getting out of the septic tank business. AND yes. the bank owns the lien/titles/ etc so if anything happen that my friend can't pay the lat 2 years of his loan.... the bank really owns the equip and i lose my money.

Is everyone glad to be home, how's the kids especially your daughter... you said it was going to be hard on her.