2 Week Check In (Journal Repost)
I feel very anxious and I’m afraid that I’m beyond repair. In the sense that I’ve already ruined the beautiful relationship and opportunities I’ve been given. I want to continue to be better. I want to find new goals and boundaries for myself. I want to strive to forgive myself only after definitively proving that I am a person who lives well above my ideals. I have not relapsed with weed or porn. And I do not intend to. My partner sees it as cheating or at the very least uncomfortable. I need her to know that she is everything to me because she is. She is impressively great and I can’t think of any serious form of love where she falls short. She’s so giving and the only thing I want is to be given the chance to make her proud and to be by her side. I love my girlfriend and I want to improve myself so I can look into a future with her without having any worries. I also am interested in reconnecting with spirituality. Life is incredibly lonely and difficult without it. I don’t have much of a goal on that end, but the comfort and community would be extremely appreciated at the moment.
*Week 2.5 Update* I started a relapse prevention program from a local recovery clinic. My recommendation is for others who are struggling is to pursue education and community. Part of what was mentioned in the program was to continue to live in/through recovery. At some point it’s no longer about you and the support you need, but what you can give to others. I feel like that’s a healthier way for me to continue this path in perpetuity. I’m going to be volunteering both with this clinic and another local shelter. My plan is to go weekly or biweekly going forward. I am also starting general counseling this Tuesday and in January I’m going to try joining a closed support group for survivors of sexual assault.
@versatileOcean742
note: She was aware I’ve viewed porn since starting the relationship and we’ve discussed it. I’m being accountable in that sense
