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versatileOcean742
2 370 M Embraced 3
PathStep 37 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 11, 2024
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1 Month Sobriety update
Journals & Diaries / by versatileOcean742
Last post
 December 10th
...See more This past month has been a great experience. I’ve quit a few substances and behaviors. I feel much more in line with the person I want to be. Im extremely confident in my ability to continue my sobriety both because of how emotionally fulfilling it is but also because of the efforts I’ve put in to find education and community. I completed a 10hr relapse prevention program which was based on the 12 steps and emphasized living in recovery and commitments for the rest of my life. I’m enrolled in individual counseling with a specialist in trauma and recovery. Thats been great. Ive only had one meeting so far but I really look forward to working with that clinic. In addition Im registered for a larger program with 50+ hour group workshop and individual counseling which im excited for. I started attending church as per the spiritual guidance of 12 step, but the most fulfilling aspect of that has been service and community. Through the church I’m attending a grief workshop for the recent passing of my friend. They also have sexual assault meetings I may also attend to get a different perspective and community in contrast to the clinic’s program. I started volunteering weekly as well. Im on week 3. things I would like to focus on more in the next month is exercise, career, and more finite study on the relationship between trauma and addiction.
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Back to church
Religion & Spirituality / by versatileOcean742
Last post
 December 7th
...See more I went to church for the first time in over 5 years today. I also had my first communion in that time and as an adult. The community was really welcoming and supportive. This feels like a really positive experience and I’d like to keep coming back for more than service. The emphasis on growth and acceptance was appreciated. Below is an excerpt from today. Romans 8:9 says, "You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ". Controlled by the Spirit" means to be guided and directed by the Holy Spirit, allowing its influence to govern your thoughts, actions, and decisions, essentially living a life aligned with God's will as opposed to your own desires or impulses; this concept is often referenced in the Bible, particularly in Romans 8 where it contrasts living "by the flesh" with living "by the Spirit.".
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Thanksgiving and day with my girlfriend
General Support / by versatileOcean742
Last post
 December 11th
...See more I couldnt see my family, but I was able to volunteer at a local shelter on thanksgiving. It was very emotionally fulfilling and im glad i had the opportunity to go. It was nice to be surrounded by community and to feel like I was having a positive impact. Im thankful for tolerance and the hope for things to improve.  I reached out a clinic that specializes in addiction support and trauma. I hope they get back to me because I would like some consistent long term counseling that I couldnt get previously. I think theyll be a good match for me and my childhood trauma. I also got to talk to my girlfriend about my recovery. Shes perfect I love her so much and id do anything to protect our future together. She deserves the best and I would be blessed to spend the rest of my life with her. But more than anything I want her to be okay. Shes so loving and I told her that I need her to know that it comes from her. That no matter what shell be ok. We plan on going to church together on sunday which is a first in years for each of us. spirituality is heavily mentioned in the relapse prevention course im taking and im glad I get to spend more time with her.
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Notes from relapse prevention
Addiction Support / by versatileOcean742
Last post
 December 6th
...See more Id like to share some notes I have from a relapse prevention course im taking. Im sorry if its crude or otherwise falls short. “Your mind will try its hardest to tell you its ok. It will try to excuse or create a scenario where you deserve to use again.Dont throw away recovery after running into issues. That is the mental obsession.  Dont be ready to point out life’s inconsistency and unfairness. Getting better does not absolve you of your past. Even without a past, life will happen and nothing good is guaranteed to be or to stay. Worse things have happened to better people but that doesn’t invalidate the importance of recovery. People won’t always believe or trust my recovery. It will take time. All I can do is to continue to do the right thing and stay consistent . I cant blame them. I could’ve earned that. Find a sense of meaning and purpose. Serve others and live in recovery. The mental obsession wont have anywhere to go. If i live in trauma or obsession, self destruction can take over.” -When in an emotionally vulnerable state it is recommended to give out and help others. Once you’ve done your recovery and managed yourself. Look to help others in crisis and to continue to live/spread the message.  -“establish and maintain a trigger list” is traditionally sound advice CAN(not guaranteed, still good practice)lead to avoidance and fear. As long as I am spiritually fit. I am trying to do the right thing, trying to be nice, trying to be accepting of everyone, and I’m there to be helpful. If that’s who I am, I can go anywhere -Meditation and prayers are important -Whenever im stumped, wait and sit still to think. The right thought usually happens. “Turn things over to god” I believe the last part is borrowed from the traditional 12 step program. Moving forward youll get what you need and not what you want. Conceit, appreciate what you have, and make the most of new opportunities.
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2 Week Check In (Journal Repost)
Motivation & Accountability / by versatileOcean742
Last post
 November 23rd
...See more  I feel very anxious and I’m afraid that I’m beyond repair. In the sense that I’ve already ruined the beautiful relationship and opportunities I’ve been given. I want to continue to be better. I want to find new goals and boundaries for myself. I want to strive to forgive myself only after definitively proving that I am a person who lives well above my ideals. I have not relapsed with weed or porn. And I do not intend to. My partner sees it as cheating or at the very least uncomfortable. I need her to know that she is everything to me because she is. She is impressively great and I can’t think of any serious form of love where she falls short. She’s so giving and the only thing I want is to be given the chance to make her proud and to be by her side. I love my girlfriend and I want to improve myself so I can look into a future with her without having any worries. I also am interested in reconnecting with spirituality. Life is incredibly lonely and difficult without it. I don’t have much of a goal on that end, but the comfort and community would be extremely appreciated at the moment. *Week 2.5 Update* I started a relapse prevention program from a local recovery clinic. My recommendation is for others who are struggling is to pursue education and community. Part of what was mentioned in the program was to continue to live in/through recovery. At some point it’s no longer about you and the support you need, but what you can give to others. I feel like that’s a healthier way for me to continue this path in perpetuity. I’m going to be volunteering both with this clinic and another local shelter. My plan is to go weekly or biweekly going forward. I am also starting general counseling this Tuesday and in January I’m going to try joining a closed support group for survivors of sexual assault.
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Big day (Journal Repost)
Journals & Diaries / by versatileOcean742
Last post
 December 5th
...See more Yesterday I had many nice things happen. My mom and sister came up to visit me which was really nice. I met my nephew. He’s precious and it was a great experience. I felt something in my heart resonate. My jade ring broke. That means new beginnings or that it’s done its job. I got a new one and another to symbolize recovery. The new ring symbolizes minding the details and being free. The sister of my friend who passed recently reached out yesterday as well. We talked about how great of a person he was and the effect he had on people. I told her my hope is to continue living life with his ideals. Today I’m volunteering so that’s nice. I hope to make it a regular occurrence.
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Weekly Check In
Motivation & Accountability / by versatileOcean742
Last post
 November 14th
...See more Hello, im new to the forum but not new to bettering myself. However the progress has been really touch and go. A close friend of mine passed away 2 months ago and some life circumstances have changed for me. Life feels incredibly overwhelming and I decided to make a definitive change. Today marks a week without weed and a few other crutches I’ve been using. I’ve never reached out to a support community before partially because of the belief I could resolve things alone, supported by incremental improvements, and because of fear. I’m not sure what the feeling of fear is from but it’s always been present. I reached a point where I wasn’t content with myself and needed something more concrete. The community on here is refreshing and I appreciate everyone. I’ve never talked about my experiences, besides with some previous partners, but I was assaulted on separate occasions when I was younger. Coping with that has always been hard. I feel like to improve myself and have the impact I want on the people around me I should try my best to “resolve,” that trauma. I feel like I owe the people I love the best and healthiest version of myself. 
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