Relationship Struggles
Oh to be a sapphic with a yearning too strong!
Hello all! I've never done anything like this, but my heart is heavyband this quarantine has made me lonely.
So I'm in a relationship with a girl, and she is poly, so she has a bf. I'm not dating the guy because, well, I'm a monogamous lesbian. Everything was fine and consensual, but things have recently gotten hard. She chose to stay with her bf during quarantine. Of course, I was sad, but I wouldn't fight it. At first we both missed each other, but the more I tried to talk to her, FaceTime her, and just greet her, the more distant she got. She started telling me I was annoying. I didn't understand because I was just texting her a normal amount, like we always do. But she started telling me I was some sad girl that always brought her down. Sure, I would tell her I missed her, but I tried to keep my messages funny because that's our style of messaging.
Well we were excited to get out of quarantine, so we booked a cute little room to stay at for a week so we could still keep distance from crowds but have our own little date. I was so excited, counting down the days, learning new recipes, getting many gigs so I can save up, but she recently changed. She told me she doesn't care for me anymore. She also told me to cancel the reservation so she can go on a retreat with her bf for their monthsary. I don't mind her going out with her bf, but her suddenly not caring and changing our long term plans hurts. How can I cope?
Sorry about this! It sounds like the two of you have completely different views right now, and it surely makes you sad and confused because you don't know what changed. Maybe you could ask her to give you concrete examples of your attitudes that she doesn't like? Like, discussing something specific you have said or done to make her feel like you're "annoying" and you "bring her down"? The most important thing in a relationship is clear and honest communication, but you can't discuss and fix it until you understand exactly what made you feel like this. If she says things about you that you don't understand, she should help you understand where these new feeling about you come from. Discuss it, ask her to provide some of these "concrete examples", and then if you both genuinely care about your relationship you'll try to figure out together a way to deal with this.
Of course it's possible that, spending time away from you, she realized she would rather be with just her boyfriend but she doesn't know how to tell you, so she's trying to convince herself - or convince you - that the reason is your attitude. In that case, I know it's hard to cope, but you can take all the time you need to recover through self-care and focus on what really matters: as soon as you'll get better, you'll have the chance to be with someone who genuinely cares about you. I know something like this might seem impossible now, but time, self-care and support by he people you trust and care for can work wonders. Just face things one day at a time, and you'll be better sooner than you realize!
@amicablePal7007
This was really sucky of her, sorry for that. It sounds like something deeper was going on with her for it to be sudden. First off- you are probably really great, as most saphics are. I would like to say for you to be monogomous and her poly (and from my knowledge, most of us saphics tend to be super commital) it seems like this might save you nsome pain in the future- which i know is not what you want to hear. I would tell her that she hurt you, and that you are fine breaking up then after a few days blocking her and her boyfriend anyway they can contact you, because them trying to get back in touch could be harmful. I think it is important to get a little bit of closure, and you explaining how you feel might make it a bit easier to move on.
But other than that, eat some ice cream and watch orange is the new black- stay off the sappy stuff for a while... 