Being a lesbian in a muslim family

@studioghiblifan15

I'm sure many who come here can relate to a lot of the feelings you are having, when who we are creates a choice between forever hiding away a part of ourselves (which can often erode our relationships silently), or losing relationships where we were taught to expect unconditional love, all because of who and how we love.

As you point out having financial independence can often be an important piece of establishing a safe space where we can make a choice about if we want to come out. Ultimately there is no rush, and you have to find what is right for you. Sadly it is often a choice that comes with some measure of loss and sadness, and that can be very scary and heavy even before any choice is made.

Your mother's threatening when you first self identified sounds like it also weighs heavy on you, that preview of what would happen if you were to fully embrace how you love and share that by coming out must have hurt.

I would hope that if you were to one day share who you are your family would learn and grow to accept, but I know for many that simply is not the case, and is often why the LGBTQ+ community can become like a second family for so many of us. Not to replace our family of birth, but to fill in some of what we lose when unconditional love becomes conditional.

Some questions to explore if you'd like:

• What would be your ideal outcome?
• What are some steps you could take to have something closer to that ideal?
• What are some of the costs/losses you may be able to cope with? Or those you could not?

It can be a difficult process, I wish it were not, but wishing won't make it so. But I hope you can reach out here, make connections and get support as you figure out what path is right for you and your life.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

@studioghiblifan15 I'm a Muslim Sister too, you can share your problems with me

@studioghiblifan15 I'm not muslim, but my parents are christian and very conservative and they would never accept me being nonbinary and aroace. The last few times i tried to come out to them it resulted in arguments and conversations that made me uncomforable. I recently "agreed" to reconsider being nonbinary to get them off my back. I'm hiding in the closet again and i hope they don't find out. I'm 14 and it feels forever until i get away from them. but sometimes i feel bad for resenting them because the only way they are bad is their bigotry.

@studioghiblifan15 I came out as non-binary to my parents last month. I had spent months beforehand planning for it. The plan I settled on was more complicated than it should've, but it allowed me to tell them on a note that they would read while I wasn't at home.

I made sure that they weren't transphobic too. I asked their opinions about gender and they basically said the same things with my mom outright saying gender is a construct.

Probably wasn't thought out enough, since I had spent all of that day worrying only to find out when I got home that they were in fact transphobic and homophobic. They said that gender can't differ from birth sex, LGBTQ+ people had to have trauma to be that way, non-binary people are just kids copying trends, etc, etc.

This was a worse scam than being asked about your car's extended warranty. I regret putting all that effort into a lost cause.

I spent this past month going through a huge gender crisis to figure out what I was exactly since I don't like using broad labels. But I'm sure that's over with for the most part.

I'm sorry your family is unsupportive. I wish we were both in better situations right now, but I guess all we can do is wait until we can move out to be ourselves.

@studioghiblifan15 i can relate myself to you and its willingly to destroy my life one day or other.

I'm closeted in a muslim country too. I guess I grew up keeping so many things from everyone that sexuality never really felt like a big secret, at least not consciously. It's agonizing to have to keep so much inside because you know that you'll be treated terribly if any of it gets out. I hope you can be yourself somewhere safe soon.

@studioghiblifan15

i understand what you are going through i'm Muslim too and having this issue with parents and society is very difficult to deal with since i'm also middle eastern which is way harder to express your identity and i had an ex who i broke my relationship with because of the so many barriers i had in my life but i think i learned to be more confident about who i'm and not change it so its unfortunately for us you have to pick a side either you give up yourself and who you really are or you have to give up your other relations that caging you, i hope you really find it within you and i wish you the best

@studioghiblifan15 I feel a little the same way😭😭. I'm Chinese and we live in US, in my opinion my parents are pretty traditional and I think I have a crush on a girl. I don't know how they gonna think about me and I don't want them to be sad😭😭

I can relate... I feel living a double life...

I don't think I could ever comes out to any of my family.

@studioghiblifan15

I understand you completely i have been dealing with the same issue and i couldn't reach to my family and talk to them about it since they would never accept me and i had to break up with my ex due to being pushed to the limits of having to make a choice either be with your love or leave her and be with your family.

The things that we have to give in as muslims and part of the LGBTQ+ community is pretty hard but the community has to adapt to us being normal people who mustn't be sharing the same beliefs and sexuality.

Feel free to speak to me if you ever wished and i hope that you may overcome the circumstances and find peace <3

Sherweet