Lgbtq+ general support, coming out, my story, new member [TW: Homophobic story]

I'm Natalia, I go by multiple names but I prefer to use Nate and I prefer its what anyone calls me. I'm a new member on this website entirely (as of 10/30/24) and I can't wait to be posting more things on this community.

My other names I go by are Kyle and lance, I also go by all pronouns but if you really want to put a gender on me you can say i'm a demigirl or non-binary is fine too. (i'll update my names, pronouns, or gender if it changes)

I've been pansexual for 4 years now but lately my sexuality has been changing and it might be polysexual or omnisexual (omnisexual, tried, might get back into it if my deep attraction for woman goes on more then my attraction for men does) (i'll update my sexuality if it ever changes)

[TW: Homophobia, THIS IS NOT ME BEING HOMOPHOBIC, THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE, thank you!]

______________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm currently growing up in a homophobic household and i'm out of the closet to my sister, which she doesn't seem to mind and sometimes forgets about my sexuality. and to my mother, on the other hand, i've always known she was homophobic and I honestly expected her to lash out at me, saying I was the most disgusting person ever, but she didn't do that. 

my mother is very religious and forces church upon all things, don't get me wrong, I'm a very religious person too and i'll follow christ until the day he chooses to take me. but I dislike how she associates LGBTQ+ as being a bad thing, and something different according to the bible, and that i'm just confused. she's also mentioned to me that gay/lesbian marriages aren't accepted in a church and its why these types of people get married some place else, some place where the marriage just isn't blessed by how a church would bless it.

the day she said that I came home, searched it up, and found out in some places, gay/lesbian marriages are accepted in very few churches, I still had hope, knowing a woman is who I most likely will be with in the future if my preference for woman doesn't change.

I never came out to the rest of my family because i'm not close to my dad's side of the family and I hardly see them and when I do, I wouldn't even know they are related to me, and my dad's side of the family is filled with old people in their 50s-70s who grew up in old-fashioned families and live by what their parents have said to them.

I never came out to my mom's side of the family, even though I was more close to them, I wasn't close to the point where I could actually behave like myself around them (besides my uncle, who's been here currently for a month and a half maybe and its only last week where I became comfortable talking to him) and even if I did came out to any of them, that stuff would fly very fast around my moms side of the family and I'd probably get degraded, saying I am a straight cis female (but i've known I been part of the lgbtq+ community since I was six years old) for weeks on end. (A little more then half my cousins speak a foreign language and if they ever found out too, it would be more awkward then it already is considering I don't know when was the last time I ever talked to my cousins.)

coming out to my mother was entirely a mistake, and I can't imagine coming out to anyone else besides the students at my school, who genuinely don't care, and the students that are going to be in my new highschool next year. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

when I first came out, it was last year, and this story was developed this year. 

Again, this is not me being homophobic, as I am part of the LGBTQ+ community, this is my experience growing up, I hope anyone can relate, thanks!

(Nate, 13, All pronouns)