Is it okay if i vent my honest feelings about being trans? Im just lost.
Possible tw as my text could potentially trigger someone elses dysphoria
You can call it internalised transphobia, or denial or what not, but Dysphoria is eating me away and if I could just be cis I really would. Ive struggled with gender issues nearly all of my life now
. I honestly dont think im financially well enough to afford moving out of my conservative country, take hrt/surgery or it would take me years at least and im not sure if I have the strength to go on. I dont really believe people take me seriously when it comes to my gender Dysphoria. I know deep down that my genes will always say im female no matter what i do and it makes me feel hopeless. If i could learn to accept that I was born this way, and just live as a queer cis girl or something life would be so much easier.
Ive even had a therapist try to "convert" me. Its like im cursed. I want to be like one of those detrans people whose Dysphoria stems from other issues and when they deal with them the Dysphoria lessens. The idea that im born trans is supposed to comfort me and affirm me but it makes me depressed because it means im forever going to feel this way, people will treat me differently and if i dont get to transition it means ill forever stay miserable. Yet, the thought of trying to live as a girl, having the body of one is just not right and it slowly kills me!
The main way im surviving in this world is by dissociation and distractions. Maybe i should try conversion therapy and free myself from this hell, maybe im not trans at all right? Or Maybe im just gaslighting myself... I wish I was just normal.
This is a cry for help i guess. I doubt ill get many responses even if I try to format this into paragraphs. If by chance someone reads and responds, you have my thanks.
@easyTown5832
thank you for venting out and being honest with your feelings, if I may, and if you allow here is a healing hug for you, take it long as you'd allow, I hear the misery that you're going through, but also to be honest I am not the best person to say the right words but know that I listened, I a feel more pulled to be loving and open with trans, not that I hate the LGBTQ community, but if I also may be as honest, I had anxiety over processing and understanding what you all go through, with your honest and vulnerable sharing I feel lighter, thank you for being here đź’›
Being trans is really hard, but pretending to be cis is worse. I know it sucks and feels awful and painful, idk if I can hang in here much longer either and I live in a more accsepting place than you do. if you can find some people who except and understand you and what it means to be trans, it will help. depending on what your dysphoric about there are different things that can help lessen it, but if you can’t different people have different coping skills (I wouldn’t recommend the resources linked in the spreadsheet they have up)
if your under 18 there is a great community of queer people with much more activity (and trans ppl) on Trevor space (can be found through the Trevor projects website)
