Anyone else in this situation?
Does anyone else have a family that is like, nice and supportive of some of your probllems, and helps you further your passions, but is also vocally transphobic?
Because I'm a trans man, and I've been closeted for years, so they give me all the love and affection they would if i were their cis daughter, since they don't know I'm not.
But I can't shake this feeling of guilt that I have about it. Because I do plan on someday coming out to them after I've moved out and and all that, but I still feel like I'd be ruining the family, and being really selfish by telling them the truth.
And these feelings get worse when they help me out with stuff, since I just feel like I'm holding the metaphorical knife of betrayal behind my back.
But anyway IDK. does anyone else have these kinds of problems? Because I feel like I usually see either people whose families are supportive all around, or people whose families are abusive in addition to transphobic, and and I've never seen anyone be in the middle. Feels kinda lonesome tbh lol.
@ToastyBagels357
Thank you for sharing your story. I think you bring up a really good point about the unique challenges the transgender population faces. I am not trans, although I am a cisgender lesbian, and I relate to the notion of guilt you describe. However, I think it's important to remember that the guilt you're feeling stems from a social construct that couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is you deserve to lead a happy, peaceful, and authentic life free from ridicule. Your caution is a mechanism of self-preservation, not true deception. My family was rejecting and abusive for years before finally coming to grips with my truth. In their defense, however, I masqueraded around with men long enough to understand their confusion. Certainly no one can say I didn't try. I am confident that eventually you will reach a point where you can tell your story and still be respectful to any feelings that might surface for them. It is hard for me to know, exactly, since I haven't needed my family in years and essentially raised myself. I left home at 17 and haven't been back in more than ten years. It's difficult to imagine now, but I do know that I would be unapologetically myself sooner regardless of the outcome.
I hope this resonates with you in some small way.
@ToastyBagels357 I know you don't want to hurt your family, but the whole point of family is being supportive of each other no matter what. Yes, they are supportive right now and they are your family, so of course you don't want to hurt them. But you don't have to hurt yourself by hiding who you are all your life, just to make them feel more comfortable. You deserve to openly be who you are. You deserve to be free. Doing what everyone has the right to do - that is, expressing your identity freely - is in no way "a betrayal". A family that turns their back on a child who did nothing but living his own life freely, that would indeed be a betrayal.
I know you feel guilty. I know you love your family and you feel responsible for their happiness. But if you don't care for your own happiness and freedom first, no one else will. Once you'll feel ready to do it, you have every right to come out. It's not selfish. It's not wrong. It's what you were born to be: make your own path in life, staying true to who you are.
