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nonbinary loneliness.

winterspruce August 15th
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Hello. I am a transmasc nonbinary person. I identify as an Androgyne. i use he/him pronouns. These are my ramblings about how being a nonbinary trans person has got me feeling down.


I feel alone because I am a nonbinary person. Even when I explain to somebody that i am a transmasculine nonbinary person and what that means for me, I feel like they still either see me as a binary man or a (emphasis on Trans) TRANS "man" ie a super masculine queer female. They still perceive me in an inaccurate way.


In trans spaces I feel wary sometimes of binary transgender people too because of gatekeeping and transphobia/hate which some people binary trans people have towards nonbinary trans people.


I also feel left out in places meant to be mental health resources and safe areas because they tend to be geared towards women. And if they are specifically targetted for men i also don't fit in, so I feel like i don't have a lot of resources. I have had negative experiences relating to this and it makes me feel alone and invisible. Like no one really cares what I've gone through.


Sometimes when I think about it I feel alone in society. Like i am invisible and the only one like me. I am always the unnamed "other". I don't fit in society and I'm tired.


I was born and lived as a girl for the first part of my life and it was wrong. I transitioned to male and lived as a man. It lessened dysphoria about my body but it wasn't quite right either.


Now I just want to be me.

I just want to be. I want to be free but now i feel alone, invisible and misunderstood.




3
DreamsofAuratus September 1st
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I can relate to some things you've said, particularly about feeling alone, invisible and misunderstood. These things can be incredibly frustrating to go through, especially when you're trying to find a supportive space but many simply do not understand or accept.

Your very last paragraph struck home, as that's something I have been trying to work on as well. There are a few labels that apply to me: transmasculine, non-binary, agender, etc. but I reject all of those labels because, to me, I simply don't understand the concept of gender and having gender-related terms applied to me makes me feel severely uncomfortable.

Yet, because I am also living as a man, everyone perceives me as male or masculine in some way, when I just want to be seen as myself.

Although I can't completely understand what you have gone through, I do understand that this is important to you and has signifcantly impacted your life. It sounds very difficult for you and I hope one day you'll be able to find a way to be authentically yourself.

ForeverForest027 September 4th
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@winterspruce

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. There are many other transmasc nonbinary people that know the feeling of being pushed to the sidelines and being “othered”. I can relate to not feeling like I fit into women's or men’s spaces, and how that can place you in an isolated, grey area. For me, looking up lgbt specific mental health resources, either online or in my state, helped me not feel so alone in my experiences. You deserve the support and space you are looking for, and I think it is out there for you. I hope things get better for you. 

chaoticcryptid September 11th
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I am a trans man and also an agender person so you're not alone