nonbinary loneliness.

I can relate to some things you've said, particularly about feeling alone, invisible and misunderstood. These things can be incredibly frustrating to go through, especially when you're trying to find a supportive space but many simply do not understand or accept.

Your very last paragraph struck home, as that's something I have been trying to work on as well. There are a few labels that apply to me: transmasculine, non-binary, agender, etc. but I reject all of those labels because, to me, I simply don't understand the concept of gender and having gender-related terms applied to me makes me feel severely uncomfortable.

Yet, because I am also living as a man, everyone perceives me as male or masculine in some way, when I just want to be seen as myself.

Although I can't completely understand what you have gone through, I do understand that this is important to you and has signifcantly impacted your life. It sounds very difficult for you and I hope one day you'll be able to find a way to be authentically yourself.

@winterspruce

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. There are many other transmasc nonbinary people that know the feeling of being pushed to the sidelines and being “othered”. I can relate to not feeling like I fit into women's or men’s spaces, and how that can place you in an isolated, grey area. For me, looking up lgbt specific mental health resources, either online or in my state, helped me not feel so alone in my experiences. You deserve the support and space you are looking for, and I think it is out there for you. I hope things get better for you. 

I am a trans man and also an agender person so you're not alone

Hi Winter,

Being vulnerable in front of others is not easy, so thanks for being courageous in sharing your deepest thoughts about your life journey and also about where you are.

While I am not exactly in your same shoes as a transfeminine non-binary (hereafter abbreviated as nb) person, I also feel very lonely at times because this society is made for binary people and when you encounter all those things that society tried to put us in either boxes, it can be frustrating. I do not usually claim to be non-binary unless I am in a LGBTQ+ friendly space, because I know the rest of the society definitely do not understand - it's unfortunately still easier to be either m/f in daily life.

With that said, being trans for me has always been about being me to start with. That's why I do not usually care much about the labels that other people try to give me because I did not come out of one closet just to jump into another - I want to come out and be me. So I will encourage you to continue your journey on seeking what it means to be Winter and what makes you feel the most comfortable. What is it that brings out best version of Winter you want the world to see?

I just want to end by saying that Winter, you are not alone and I want to walk with you at the very least for this time I spent leaving you this message. It's not easy to be the only lgbtq+ person in our immediate circle, which is why we all need someone to give us some love at times when we feel lonely, or "just a little tired". Taking a line from one of my favorite speakers Kate Bowler, "life is so beautiful, and life is so hard" - I always try to remind myself that these things are not mutually exclusive and they certainly can happen at the same time. And I believe that if we can encourage each other in our walks of our respective lives, we can help each other live a beautiful, and good life. Hugssss! 💛

PS - Having lived my life as both sexes, I do agree that it is true that men have less social opportunities to be open about their feelings, and sometimes, you may even get alienated for it. However, there are also resources (including 7Cups) where people will accept you regardless of how you identify, so kudos for seeking out the support you know you need! (And no that's not easy because that requires you to have a certain level of self awareness to do that). Males generally bond over different things, so if you have grown up in mostly female circles, it is normal for you to have to learn to adapt. If you haven't already, I will encourage you to develop hobbies that maybe you can share / participate with other guys, like playing sports, or maybe it's talking about sports, or maybe it's something more hands on like carpentry, etc. Guys tend to build relationships through doing things together, so if you haven't already, maybe you can try that you build your support network that way instead. Stay strong Winter! 💪

@winterspruce I'm also nonbinary, and yeah, oftentimes, I feel weird about if I fit in too... Honestly still figuring myself out.....

@winterspruce

I relate so much to this. I'm nonbinary and also struggle with this. I also thought I was binary trans at one point, but my relationship with gender is way more complicated than that. It felt easier to try to fit in as the other gender than to be my assigned gender, but it still wasn't right. I just want to live my life however I want to be, and I wish gender didn't matter so much in society. It can feel isolating, but you're absolutely not alone in this. There's more people like us out there than it seems, and I hope you find the supportive community you deserve.