nonbinary loneliness.
Hello. I am a transmasc nonbinary person. I identify as an Androgyne. i use he/him pronouns. These are my ramblings about how being a nonbinary trans person has got me feeling down.
I feel alone because I am a nonbinary person. Even when I explain to somebody that i am a transmasculine nonbinary person and what that means for me, I feel like they still either see me as a binary man or a (emphasis on Trans) TRANS "man" ie a super masculine queer female. They still perceive me in an inaccurate way.
In trans spaces I feel wary sometimes of binary transgender people too because of gatekeeping and transphobia/hate which some people binary trans people have towards nonbinary trans people.
I also feel left out in places meant to be mental health resources and safe areas because they tend to be geared towards women. And if they are specifically targetted for men i also don't fit in, so I feel like i don't have a lot of resources. I have had negative experiences relating to this and it makes me feel alone and invisible. Like no one really cares what I've gone through.
Sometimes when I think about it I feel alone in society. Like i am invisible and the only one like me. I am always the unnamed "other". I don't fit in society and I'm tired.
I was born and lived as a girl for the first part of my life and it was wrong. I transitioned to male and lived as a man. It lessened dysphoria about my body but it wasn't quite right either.
Now I just want to be me.
I just want to be. I want to be free but now i feel alone, invisible and misunderstood.