my first love is impossible, but she is the love of my life

(19, lesbian)

to give a little context: my gf and I have been dating for a year and four months, my mother found out almost a year ago about my gf by accident, she says she doesn't know what she did wrong for me to be like this, she raised me with good, and she still has hope that i can find a man to have a “beautiful” life, she hates who i am, and hates my gf even more than she hates me

i have so much going rn, my gf is moving to another country and so will i, we are going to be so much further away than we are now because we have had a long distance relationship for 7 months, we have had so many problems lately, college has been a *** for me lately, to the point i want to leave it, i feel lonely even though i live with 3 more people (my mom and sister included), i don't feel valid, and if i had the chance to be “normal” i would take it without hesitation

the only person that makes me get up bed is my gf, but things are going to be very stressful now, she is leaving and we won't see each other for at least four or six months. We have had our problems, she doesn't like me going out, but i do like it, i don't do it for her, but i am in my 19s and i feel like if i don't go out then i have to marry her, because i don't want to be throwing away my youth not going out, so i have to be sure we are going to be forever so i can feel like not going out is the right decision, because we won't see each other for a long time and i'm not sure if it is going to work, she is kind of unstable, i don't know how to explain it

i have a lot lately in mind and i'm putting myself before her, i'm giving at least 85% of me only for her, i even gave up my selfcare for her, but if we move together in a year maybe this all will be worth it, but i'm not sure if we'll make it

¿is she worth it?