Questioning
I'm having a lot of confusing thoughts and would appreciate some other perspectives. I am a cis woman married to a cis man, and last year he came out to me as bisexual. It took me by surprise and I think because of that I started to wonder, what if I am bi too?
As a teenager, a female friend and I made out and kind of groped each other, but in my mind I minimized it by saying we were just practicing what it would be like to do that with boys. I remember we were also cuddling in my parents bed and then my brothers busted in the room and made fun of us, asking if we were lesbians. I always had crushes on boys, so I knew I wasn't a lesbian. Maybe because of that I shut down any possibility of being bisexual? I never had a real crush on a girl except that I distinctly remember when I first met that same friend in 2nd grade I thought she had the most beautiful eyes and just wanted to gaze into them. Later, in my late 20s I had a coworker who was a lesbian and she invited me to a lesbian bar. This was in another country, and there was one woman in like a bikini dancing around in the middle of a circle of us. When she came around to me I really enjoyed grinding and dancing close, which I have never done with a woman before. I also went on a few dates with a trans man before. It didn't lead to anything but I was definitely attracted to him. And now I am getting curious about polyamory and would possibly be open to being with a woman or a trans man. I definitely find them hot in porn, just have not found myself crushing on a woman in real life.
Anyway, that's my background but my dilemma is: 1. If I didn't really question my sexuality until my husband opened up about his, does that make me disingenuous or something? 2. Am I really straight and these isolated experiences don't mean anything, in which case I wouldn't really belong in the LGBTQ+ community? 3. Could I be bi or pan or just queer but I'm a coward for not coming out because it's easy to pass as hetero?
@turquoisefox18 sexual orientations are more about a person's desires than a person's experiences. Even if you've never had sexual or romantic experiences with a woman, the very fact that you feel like you would enjoy sharing an experience with a woman is enough for you to identify as bi, if it feels right for you.
The fact that you've only considered this now doesn't mean you're not truly bi, or not "bi enough". Bisexuals have very different experiences, some of us have a preference for one gender and because of how heteronormative our society is we tend to downplay and minimize any feelings or experience that doesn't feel "100% straight". Some people only come to terms with their sexuality very late in life, and it's ok, it doesn't mean your sexuality is not valid.
As for coming out, don't worry, you don't owe a coming out to anyone! It's a personal choice that everyone should make only when and if they feel up to it. Not coming out if you identify as bi doesn't mean you're a coward or "faking it", it's just your personal preference at the current moment.
