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Lesbian crush, anxiety, and also I'm ace????
wrenrainygardens November 22nd, 2023
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So there's a lot of factors in this so I'm sorry if this is long. 

I was assigned female at birth (they/she) and still partially identify as such, and my current crush is a girl. I know that she is bisexual due to a sticker, and we've complimented each other back and forth, but my anxiety is so severe that I can't bring myself to see if we can even be friends or try to get her number. It closes up my throat and I can't talk to her. I have a lot of reasons for anxiety around this. 

Firstly, I'm asexual. I still have romantic feelings but I always have this fear that no one is ever going to want to be in a relationship with me or understand that. I don't know how she'd feel about that; I'm sure as a friend she'd be accepting, but in a relationship, I don't know. 

Secondly, I've never had a crush this strong before. I really have the desire to be with her, but I've never been in a relationship and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I'm really afraid of rejection.

And then there's the topic of my family; my close family is trying their best, they know I've liked both girls and guys before. They don't know I'm asexual, and they think I'm unlabeled. They're all mormon, so I know they're just praying I settle with a guy. (Despite the fact I prefer women, I'm omniromantic) They would not approve of me in a wlw relationship, and my extended family would be horrible to come out to; they'd never accept it. If I got in a relationship with her, it's more than likely I'd have to not tell them for a while. 

I don't know how to overcome my anxiety, and part of me wants to just give up and wait for this to fade. But I really would like to at least try. Any advice or ideas?

3
jperson99 November 23rd, 2023
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@wrenrainygardens
Your emotions are a swirling mix of hope and fear, longing for connection while battling anxiety and family expectations. Taking small steps and being honest when you're ready might help navigate these complex feelings. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it's okay to take your time finding your path through this.

wrenrainygardens OP November 25th, 2023
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@wrenrainygardens Also for clarification: I don't plan on dating her immediately, I just wanna be friends and possibly progress from there if feelings persist. But I just tend to overthink and think too far ahead

NaturalEmpath November 25th, 2023
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I understand that this is a conflicting topic surrounding your family and your feelings of anxiety are valid. Take your time to sort through the anxiety. It sounds like you have identified some justified reasons that could be contributing to it. You mention that part of the anxiety is stemming from being asexual and not knowing how she would feel about it. That's a good place to start, by taking small steps toward deepening the conversation. Open communication is the key to a solid foundation in any relationship. As far as rejection is concerned, that is also a part of dating and gets somewhat easier with time and experience. For each person that rejects you, another one is out there waiting to meet you.


Best of luck to you

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