I think I’m asexual but I don’t want to be.

@MiniKitten I don’t think it’s an age anymore that everyone has to get married. There are still many people who are not asexual, but they still choose to live independently, which is also wonderful. It’s not that having a partner makes someone feel wanted. If you don't feel comfortable, why try it. Even if you have a partner or even get married in the future. This will only create problems for both parties. I think raising a few stray animals is the best option. They make you feel especially needed.

@MiniKitten You are having hard time understanding yourself.. I guess you want to loved but not physically though... there are other asexual people also.. you can date them.. asexual doesn't mean that they won't even love you..

I hope you find someone in your life who understands you.

@MiniKitten

I'm asexual but still experience some amount of romantic attraction. I also struggle with the physical touch aspect of a relationship, but I would still love to get married and date someone so I can relate some to what you're going through. 

I think feeling "normal" can be a matter of finding someone to relate to. Someone who you can build an emotional connection with. In my experience, I have had to learn how to be okay being single before attempting to find a relationship. My platonic friends have been some of the most rewarding relationships I have ever had. If you are thinking you're also asexual but still questioning or just want some more resources, I suggest going to AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network). Reading posts there has really helped me feel like I belong somewhere. 

I'm sorry you are going through this. It can be so hard to exist like this, but I believe we will all find our people even if it takes some time. I'm open to chat anytime. 

I am on the Ace spectrum too and I felt similar like you are describing it. I did always have "relationships" including all kinds of physical touch, but it never felt right. I forced myself in order to not "end up alone". It traumatised me. I felt like ***. It didn't get me anywhere.

At one point I decided that being close to my friends and family platonicly will be good enough for me and it was a lot better than trying to make myself fit into the relationships before. I started to enjoy life. I actually felt less alone than before, spending a lot of time with people I loved platonically...The guy I fell for at the end is someone I have known over a decade before getting together. I learned about myself that I am demisexual: I do experience sexual attraction IF I have an extremely close relationship with someone. I got to marry "my person" last summer :)

What I want to say is that being asexual does not mean that you would have to end up alone. It doesn't necessarily mean your aromantic and it also a yes or no question but a spectrum. I would suggest to read from as many people on the Ace spectrum as you can (helped me a lot)... Understand yourself better and then design the life you want for yourself and what feels right for you... you got this!