I don't know myself anymore...
I... don't know what I want atp... I thought I was trans, for me it mostly came from the fact that, girls seem... cooler for some reason... and from wanting to wear both feminine and masculine clothes and still look beautiful in them... like suits ? I prefer being feminine in them. Grunge outfits ? Girls version seems better to me. Accesories ? I prefer feminine. I lovd the sweaters that show of shoulders, sometimes crop-tops, I love how leg warmers look, I'd love to have a wolfcut, I like how baggy t-shirts look at girls, and I love to wear dresses... **but I still doubt this... all of it...** I had everything figured out like 9 months ago... and then anxiety made me stop, and I can't recognize my own wants... whenever I ask myself "What do I want to see in the mirror" or "Do you want to be a girl or a guy in the future" it's like my mind goes numb... I don't know if I want to see a guy in the mirror, or do I want to see a girl in it... its like a fog I can't erase... I hate this... I hate my life for the past 9 months... I just... help me... please... I want to know who I am... I don't want to wait another long time... and I... Im... I want to be better finally... and I can't control my own anxiety, doubt and more... I just... I need help but I don't know how anyone could help me... I-I just... I wanna know what I am... but I can't help myself... why do I have to suffer like this... I want to know who or what I am... I know thatcif I woke up as a girl, I'd be happy and excited, but the other way Im worried... I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I AM... and I don't even know how... I hate myself... why can't I just know... why can't my life finally be okay...
@Nixien
I'm really sorry to hear you've been struggling. I'm nowhere near an expert at this since I only figured out my own gender identity in December, but from what you're saying it sounds to me like your anxiety is making you doubt whether or not you're trans. Based on what I read here, it definitely sounds like you are, and it seems like dysphoria is also making it worse. It's also possible that this anxiety is caused by you not being neither a boy nor a girl, or you might be both, or maybe it changes! Either way, take a deep breath, calm down, and love yourself. Whatever you are, you're good enough, and you WILL figure it out eventually. For now, just remind yourself that you're valid, and your anxiety cannot usurp your identity. Dysphoria sucks. Anxiety sucks. But regardless of what it tells you, you're you, and you're valid!
@chaoticEnbyAxolotl89
Also, I love your N profile picture! :)
