Nixien Member Profile

...See more I... don't know what I want atp... I thought I was trans, for me it mostly came from the fact that, girls seem... cooler for some reason... and from wanting to wear both feminine and masculine clothes and still look beautiful in them... like suits ? I prefer being feminine in them. Grunge outfits ? Girls version seems better to me. Accesories ? I prefer feminine. I lovd the sweaters that show of shoulders, sometimes crop-tops, I love how leg warmers look, I'd love to have a wolfcut, I like how baggy t-shirts look at girls, and I love to wear dresses... **but I still doubt this... all of it...** I had everything figured out like 9 months ago... and then anxiety made me stop, and I can't recognize my own wants... whenever I ask myself "What do I want to see in the mirror" or "Do you want to be a girl or a guy in the future" it's like my mind goes numb... I don't know if I want to see a guy in the mirror, or do I want to see a girl in it... its like a fog I can't erase... I hate this... I hate my life for the past 9 months... I just... help me... please... I want to know who I am... I don't want to wait another long time... and I... Im... I want to be better finally... and I can't control my own anxiety, doubt and more... I just... I need help but I don't know how anyone could help me... I-I just... I wanna know what I am... but I can't help myself... why do I have to suffer like this... I want to know who or what I am... I know thatcif I woke up as a girl, I'd be happy and excited, but the other way Im worried... I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I AM... and I don't even know how... I hate myself... why can't I just know... why can't my life finally be okay...

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