Confused lgpt

Hi, I'm a female ( Muslim) lived my intire life in an Arabic country until 2015. and I'm struggling to know my feeling towards my best friend ( also female)

We know each other since 2016 and we live together since almost 3 years. At the beginning we started joking about us being together and we actually tried kissing and a little make out but all of that was under the alcohol influence since we both are awkward and not very fond of skinship. And since also both of us never had a relationship we never knew if we like each other or not...I for example used to like the feeling when we kissed but for her she never knew cause she would be drunk and not remember. All of that was in the past and now she said that she is certain that she doesn't have feeling for me but as for me I still don't know. Everyime a boy gets involved i get hurt and jealous but I don't know if that's just how I am towards her as a friend cause I used to also feel jealous of a different friend in the past when she mentions a different friend. Anyways...I really need opinions or what you all think because I'm really confused and so tired of feeling like this and not knowing why. I already told her, even if I'm not gay, I would still be gay for her if she said she likes me but in her opinion she thinks I feel like this because it will be the easy way for me since I don't like to be in a relationship or whenever someone's likes me I reject them right away...so she think it will be easy because we already know each other and we understand each other very well.

Please help

Ans sorry for the long post