Coming out

So, I came out to one of my best friends today. This is huge. I've been trying to tell her for months but I had to come to a place with my internalised homophobia where I did not feel an overwhelming amount of shame any time I tried to get the words out. But today I finally did it. Anyways, the full story is that a while ago I realised I have romantic feelings for her so I knew I had to talk to her at some point. And today I told her half of my truth which is that I'm into girls.

And guess what, she replied to me saying she is actually bisexual. So my brain is incredibly overwhelmed right now. I've been trying to stop feeling my feelings for her because I didn't know her sexuality but now I feel like I cannot even tell my feelings any good reason to stop loving her. Over the years I have developed such a profound love for her that I don't think they will ever go away. I think she is my first real love. It hurts. It hurts because she said even though she realised she has feelings for girls, she does not intend to act on them because she feels safer with men. I am crushed. Part of me is hoping she will come around at some point. I think a part of my heart will always belong to her and that part will keep hoping for their feelings to be reciprocated one day. I'm still hoping I can prove her that she can embrace her feelings. Maybe I will tell her my entire truth at some point. My feelings for her feel desperate to come out now that they realised they have not been completely fooled. I really thought I was going crazy for having these "prohibited" feelings for her thinking she was not into girls. And now that she shared her truth with me I feel relieved that my intuition was right. But it still hurts deeply that this will probably lead to nowhere. Maybe one day she'll come around?