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Being lgbt in a religious household
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Context: We are both from a traditional Christian household which does not approve of same-sex relationships of course.


My gf (22 F) has been under a lot of stress because she is very close to her family but has to “give them up” for our relationship as it progresses in the future. Ever since we got together (starting this year), she frequently gets upset that she has to let go of her family, her family will hate her, and get mad at me because “I don’t understand” since I’m not as close to my family. She also has gained weight and her body is starting to take a toll on her, which added to her stress.


It’s been happening now and then that we both can’t find a solution (about our relationship), but my advice was to just take it one day at a time and we will figure this out eventually because it will work out. I really love her and I don’t want to lose her, and I want to figure things out with her. But because she has been home a lot lately (due to her injury), she’s been “getting closer” to her family and I understand how this feeling maybe came up more. It’s been really stressful for me as well because I want to find a solution for us but the biggest thing is we don’t know how her parents will react when they know about us. This is also her first relationship and she is saying why is everything so hard, why is it when it comes to our relationship, it’s never easy and always needs to work things out.


Please, I need some helpful advice as I’m really vulnerable now and I don’t want to lose her. What do I do? How can I comfort her and keep us strong?

1
Aayla Friday
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@politeWheel1343 it's a tough position to be in, for sure, and I understand why she's feeling this way. I think the real change will happen when she'll realize that it's not about her family not accepting your relationship, it's about her family not accepting HER as a person. If they shun her when they find out about you two, that's because they don't accept who she is, and that would not change even if your relationship ended. 
She might be subconsciously blaming you because she thinks things would be easier if she didn't fall in love with you, but that doesn't change the fact that her family wouldn't accept her sexuality. Make sure she understands this: it's about her freedom to be and express herself even more than it's about your relationship, and you are her ally in this. You might have a different type of relationship with your family, but it doesn't mean you can't understand her: every queer person understand what it means to lose something or someone in order to be free.

Anyway, if I got it right, she hasn't told her family yet. There's still a chance they might eventually question their beliefs and try to understand what this means to her. It will take a lot of courage and open heartedness from her to move something in them, but not all hope is lost. Even if they react negativity at first impact, they wouldn't be the first family to try and work on it with time. If they don't, it will be very hard, but giving up on her freedom so that they can love a fabricated version of herself wouldn't be right either.
Make sure to be by her side and be a safe place for her. I wish you and her the best.
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