I have trust issues and I am depressed because of it, what to do now as a man (ftm)?

I as a person, I don't even know what I am anymore but I still don't wanna give up on life, I wanna hold onto some identity that I can own but I dunno. I am questioning but my parents aren't bad also even if they verbally disagree with me about my feelings.. Idk anymore I just need a life but I cannot seem to get it as a man. Yeah.. I am just a man in a woman's body but even I have a hard time believing in myself when I showed signs of being trans at an early age like.. primary school or earlier. I never cared about gender and sex and I still don't, only my environment does and it's kil**ng me inside but I want transition too but Idk anymore if I deserve it or not. Sorry for the vent I just wanna know how I can survive or if I can survive. I am going to a psychotherapist but I am really scared that she won't understand. I just am and I cannot avoid it. That's all, sorry for just sharing this I needed it. Thank you for reading. In summary I like my family but I am a wimp but I cannot avoid being a wimp. I hope I am not trans but I dunno.. I also write too much, sorry for that too.