Married.....but questioning.
I am 39 married have a daughter. All my life have kept a secret which I beloved was I was bi since I was about 12.
I have kept it hidden almost 30 years now. Often engaging in secret relationship with other bi/gay guys.
I am really struggling to hold my life together nowadays. I am attracted to guys, I look at them differently now and I feel my desires taking over. I am currently casually seeing a guy and love being with him.
I don't sleep well anymore. I struggle to satisfy my wife. I am ashamed. I'm weak and a coward, as I have never told anyone before. I feel disgust and deep hatred towards myself.
Anyone else in similar position? Gone through this?
Sorry if I disgust anyone 💔
@politeKiwi2674 how old is he ? That’s okay, like if you are bi, you are bi.
He is 30. Single. Gay.
@politeKiwi2674 Cool.
walking though a lot of the same feelings too. It really hard.
How do you feel about opening up to your wife about it?
Do you want think she would be open too the idea?
Also, do you still want to be with her if it was something she would be open too?
Are you or willing to see a therapist for some support?
Sending love your way.
Hey, thank you for the love ❤
As for opening up.....I have been terrified and afraid since I was 13 so almost 30 years if hiding. I grew up in an anti gay environment. My brother especially worries me. My parents I'm unsure whether hey would accept it now even when I am older.
As for my wife, we are still best mates. We have our daughter which is the super glue for us. I don't think she has any ideas and I am again terrified to open up. I have turned here because I am able to say things that I haven't done for year's. It feels good. As for leaving her, I don't like to think about it.
As I said before, I feel weak, a coward, guilty and ashamed and when I think too much Hate myself. But also, I have done it for year's and am where I am so think I have kind if dealt with it pretty well........not really........
I have consulted a therapist but I live in Asia and most are in US and so finding time where I am alone and free to dedicate to it is difficult. Weak excuse but an honest excuse.
Thank you for messaging. I really truly appreciate it ❤
Thank you for reaching out, I understand what you going through. And I did talk to some people in similar situation. So if you want to talk, feel free to message me.