Being LGBTQ+ during the holidays
What it’s like to be LGBTQ+ during the holidays
The holiday season can be especially triggering for many people, but LGBTQ people are more likely than their non-LGBTQ counterparts to experience stress, anxiety, and depression during this time of the year.
It is especially hard for them when their family members are being unsupportive towards them. For example, they oftentimes have to experience being misgendered/made fun of at the Christmas table, or even experience some type of abuse.
Research shows that LGBTQ people are more likely to experience these symptoms year-round, but numerous mental health providers say that the holiday season, especially returning home for the holidays, can exacerbate these symptoms.
And while some LGBTQ people may choose not to return home for the holidays, the season can still be triggering for them as well.
Why LGBTQ+ allyship is important during the holidays
Holidays like National Coming Out Day and Pride Month increase visibility and assist with changing the heteronormative script that society has written. It slowly helps to eliminate the minority stressors that our LGBTQ neighbors carry with them daily which, in turn, helps make holidays like Hanukkah and Christmas more enjoyable. Try as we might, we cannot erase the hatred and homophobia that exists in society, but we can take small steps in our words, our language and our awareness that will ultimately make a difference.
Change starts with knowledge. Acceptance is spurred by growth. And empathy is a powerful tool in all of it. If you feel led, extend an invitation to your holiday table. Curate a safe space within your walls and encourage those around you to do the same. Holidays are hard for many different reasons, but with the help of our village, including our colleagues and coworkers, they don't have to be.
Five things to remember
1. Don’t let anyone steal your joy.
Whether or not you consider yourself spiritual, this is a time for you to find joy on your own terms. If things get difficult, have strategies for holding on to your joy. This could be a friend on speed dial or getting outside for fresh air. Whatever brings you life, choose that. You are stronger than you think.
2. Remember who you are and your values.
If you’re dreading going home for the holidays, before you pack your sword and shield, remember that the holidays are temporary. Remain steadfast in your own beliefs and know that you are a loving person who deserves to live unapologetically as your unique, wonderful self, regardless of what anyone has to say about it.
3. Family is still family, just like love is still love.
Family life is constantly changing, and it can mean so many things to so many people. While for some, blood may be thicker than water, unconditional love takes hard work and a lot more strength than just being sticky enough to keep relatives together. So many LGBTQ people build chosen families who accept, affirm and love us as we are. Whether you’re choosing to spend your holidays with your family of origin or your family of choice, remember that unconditional love is what makes a family.
4. Don’t force someone to enjoy the holidays.
In 2019, at least 24 transgender people and gender non-conforming people have been killed. The total number of deadly mass shootings in the U.S. comes out to an average of one every 15 days this year. Grieving this time of year can be harder than other times. Supporting someone who is coping with tragedy or loss during the holiday season doesn't mean trying to make them feel full of holiday cheer. Instead, your goal should be to accept whatever holiday experience they want. No menorah lighting? Fine. Do they want to skip midnight mass this year? OK. The best thing you can do is follow your loved one's lead.
5. ‘Tis the season of giving.
Many of us are particularly driven to be charitable, especially around the holidays. If you feel inclined to direct some of your holiday seasons away from the malls and into the pockets of a community that could certainly use it, consider donating to incredible causes and organizations helping LGBTQ people. Visit shop.hrc.org for a holiday gift that will help power the fight for LGBTQ equality. You can also help kids learn to be proud of themselves and show them you will love them just as they are by giving them books from Welcoming Schools’ list of inclusive books.
sources (everything that is in green is clickable) :
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/why-some-lgbtq-people-feel-especially-stressed-holidays-7-things-ncna950461
https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/the-importance-of-lgbtq-allyship-during-8489772/
https://www.hrc.org/news/six-things-to-remember-this-holiday-season-if-you-are-lgbtq
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@KateDoskocilova Great information! Also, loving the colors 😍
@KateDoskocilova
Thank you for making this post. It was very informative.
This is a real concern and it is really important for families to include all of our thoughts and comfort while celebrating Christmas.
Hope everyone will have a lovely Christmas 😊
Thank you for making this post, I was worrying about my being genderfluid. My mom has already shown she is not supportive, even though she claims to be. My best friends and people on here aree the only ones consistently calling me my pronouns and name. I was worried about the holidays, and this post made me feel better about it.
@KateDoskocilova
Thank you for this post, Kate! It's informative and supportive at the same time- two things that I can always use more of. The joy and family notes especially speak to me; this is going to be my first year celebrating the holidays with my chosen family now that I am no longer living with my abusive biological family. I am excited and anxious at the same time to see what it'll be like celebrating the winter season with people whose intents are to just have a good time and enjoy my company as opposed to using it as an opportunity to tear apart my self-esteem and identity.
Do take care of yourself during these times as well! ❤️
@KateDoskocilova thank you so much for this supportive and caring post <3 <3 it's amazing and so wonderful