Sexual confusion in myself

Hello everyone 💜

So... I don't know exactly where to start. I'm 100% demisexual but with the attraction split. I have more strong feelings for guys, but I am almost asexual with them. For girls, it is the exact opposite.

In normal life, I consider myself more on the asexual side. I don't need sex in my life and I am trying to avoid it as well. I want my first full sexual experience with someone I will care about the most.

But something happened 2 days ago. Something that I just can't explain to myself how it happened.

I was with my 2 close friends and with a girl cousin of one of them. We were in a bar and we had so much fun together. We were there for around 3 hours and when midnight was coming we decided to accompany one of our friends home and the rest of us went into my house where we wanted to continue in our night.

We watched the movie, drank alcohol I had here, and so on.

When we were already tired the friend went to sleep in the bedroom and the double bed was left for me and the cousinof my friend who went home earlier. It was for the third time when I was drunk, but I was still aware of things around me and of my actions..... almost...

This cousin of my friend is a very sexually active lesbian. And... the only thing I still remember is that we were talking for a while, but... then we went wild. I remember her head above mine while I was lying... and I let her do her thing. We didn't sleep together but we were reeaaaally close to it but I wasn't drunk enough to let that happen.

So I'm asking myself.... How?

I swear to anything that if I wasn't drunk I wouldn't even THINK about doing such a thing like this. This wasn't me!

Yet... still, it was some side of me.

I don't know how to deal with it. This is some new side of me I REALLY didn't know that I have. This side is the absolute opposite of the standards I have in my life. But still, I let her start it and I enjoyed it.

I don't want to be like this. I am really confused and I don't know how to deal with it...

I would be happy for any advice you give me. Thank you 💕