Questioning just need some advice.

Hi @0wen

Only you can say for sure what your orientation is, and it may take lot of introspection and time to get you there.

If you believe you do not experience sexual attraction, despite being able to identify someone as "hot," you very well may be asexual.

However, I usually encourage people not to put pressure on themselves to find a label right away. I get it, ambiguity is uncomfortable. But there's no reason to shove yourself in a box too soon. Let yourself explore. Be wonderful, label-less blob. You'll discover yourself in time.

Good luck! Discovering yourself is no easy feat, but you seem like you're doing a great job so far!

Thank you that's very encouraging. I think I will leave myself as a lableless blob for a bit. I'm gonna keep questioning but I'll keep in mind that there's no pressure.

@0wen

There are tons of different labels under the ace spectrum, it can definitely be overwhelming, I find it helps to remember that they aren't permanent. Labels are tools that are there to help you express yourself. it's totally alright to try thinking of yourself as Ace or any other label keep experimenting until you find what you feel comfortable with

when it comes to figuring out labels remember there is no right or wrong answer, just go with what feels comfortable

love,

your friendly neighborhood ace

ps. check out @aceDadAdvice on instagram, he posts a lot of advice, and information about labels, definitely helped me

I also look at people and may think he or she is attractive but don't really go into I'd like to have sex with them, as my brothers talked like that all the time. I have been abstinent for the past 9 years, divorce, had been with a woman before, and stopped everything. I don't even physically masterbate. I watch porn and let my body react physically but have no desire to go any further.

I know I desire a close relationship with a female due to not having a childhood best friend nor any friends currently. I play that tape forward and I think this closeness that I desire gets mistaken for love. Yet I know that could be a childhood wound, as I actually told my female therapist that I loved her, and she said you love me? And I said No I'm in love with you. Of course that opened up a long discussion. That was months ago or over a year ago. I know I seek out maternal females.

I was questioning my sexuality as Asexual or Ace as well...but I guess it really doesn't matter, it's when I get into a friendship that I access where I'm at, I guess.

Does this make sense? Thanks.

Feeling sexual attraction but then losing it once an emotional bond is formed is called freysexual. I don’t know if that’s exactly what you’re experiencing but it might help.

@0wen I think you might be fraysexual, which means you're attracted to someone until you form a close bond with them.