Being bluntly hit on
So! Tonight I am REELING. I’m 22 and ace aro and I’ve had people like me, have crushes on me and even say flirty things but never quite like this.
I was at work about to leave and saying good-bye to my 2 co-workers. As I was walking away, the guy co-worker said “oh, wait!”
I turned around and the conversation went like this:
”can I have your number before you leave?”
I was surprised “why?”
”I am hitting on you right now”
I was IN SHOCK. It took all I had to say “I’m very sorry I’m not interested”
and he was like “nah it’s alright”
and then I think (I HOPE) I said goodbye again. I walked out and left work totally freaking out. I just needed to get it out of my head and hopefully other aces and aros can offer some support.
It was just so blunt and out in the open and I’ve never had to fully reject someone? And I feel bad about it, and we work together so I’m going to have to see him next week as well!
I’m not out to really anyone at all, not even my friends IRL so I feel like I can’t talk to them about it. Which is why I’m here.
I feel like I’m conflicted - did I make the right decision? But I think that’s the pressures of society / amatonormativity talking (because OF COURSE, in your 20s you’re supposed to find someone and be in relationships all the time, right? But when I think about it more I feel that I did make the right decision because I would not want to lead him on more or lie to myself or to him. Mostly myself. I know my truth, I’ve known since I was 14 really. I hate that society plants this little thought in the back of your mind though, leading you to wonder about the what-ifs and such. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? It would be great to know I’m not alone.
I think I know my truth enough to know I made the right call, and I think I said the right things? But I just think I needed to get it out to a community that would understand orientation-wise. Thank you for reading!
Hey, that must have been hard! If you said what you felt, that most probably was a good response. Rejecting people is never a pleasant affair, ace/aro or not. I am sure he’ll understand. If not, consider explaining it to him if you want. You don’t owe him that but it might help to clear the air. If you want to talk about it more, don’t hesitate to text me:) All the best!
Thanks a bunch, Lisa! I ended up talking to my other co-workers about it (not coming out to them or anything) but just telling them and it seems to be a mutual understanding of being hit on at work and not wanting to be! I’m glad that I could talk to them about it and it feels separated from my ace aro identity now (which is actually for the better I’m finding!)
Oh wow- that really sounds uncomfortable- um don't have advice and i cannot relate however a good place for aro/ace stuff is AVEN (asexuality visibility education network) it's a really neato place to check out :)
