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Am I actually Ace? And how the labeling system we have is inefficient and confusing

Shawdios April 16th, 2022

So I’ve been debating for the past year or so whether I’m actually Ace or not.

curently I identify as aromantic pansexual,

But I match the definition of asexual, I don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone.

I don’t really like the definition of a sexuality being who you’re sexually attracted to because if a girl is a lesbian then she doesn’t like guys or non-binary people sexually.

And the same for a gay guy, he doesn’t like girls or non-binary people sexually.

(unless I have the definition wrong, I’m sorry if I do)

now does this mean that a gay guy is sexually aroused by male presenting people? And a lesbian girl is sexually aroused by female presenting people? If so, what about the non-binary folks? Are they excluded by definition?

i have never found someone “hot”

but I do know that I enjoy the experience of sex, so this is where I’m confused.

I’ve tried to find definitions and I’ve come to the conclusion that the definitions and how we define it all isnt enough.

So I personally define “sexuality” as what genitalia a person prefers their partner to have, including intersex people because I feel they are severely ignored in general.

By my definition, I am pansexual, meaning I don’t have a preference for what my partner has and that I’m fine with whatever they have.

so I divvy my attractions up into three areas: sexual attraction, Romantic attraction, and aesthetic atraction.

romantic attraction is who you prefer to have as a romantic partner. (I.e. go on dates with, kiss affectionately, and romantic things in general)

i identify as aromantic, meaning I don’t have romantic attraction to anyone.

as for aesthetic attraction, I define this as who you are visually attracted to (I.e. who turns you on and arouses you by visual aspect alone)

on this i identify as athetic

basically this is what the current sexuality is (for the sake of familar terms I’m ace) how would you use this if you were attracted to a masculine presenting person? Mathetic and for female, femthetic and non-binary? Embthetic. Pan could also apply here, same with Demi or bi. Panthetic, demithetic, bithetic.

(The difference between bi and pan in this area is pan is everyone vs Bi being just male and female presenting because yeah, some people aren’t visually attracted to embys and that’s fine)

I’m sorry if this offends anyone or any group in the lgbtqia+ community, I didn’t not intend to do so, or invalidate anyone. This has the opposite intentions to vailidate the people who feel like I do and don’t know how to identify with the current labels

I simply have been thinking about this a lot and these definitions make the most sense to me to use.


2
Shawdios OP April 16th, 2022

If anyone has a better way to name asthetic attractions, please share. Because I did not actually look into the meaning of “thetic” I simply couldn’t find another way to give the Athetic label a name with aesthetic because of the already present A.

BlackRose522 July 27th, 2022

Hey there!


I am not that well versed in LGBT terms - Im not a big fan of labels personally.

However I am a fellow aromantic, and I do understand where youre coming from.

I dont feel "Romantic Love" or "Sexual Love".

All of my attempted relationships have crashed and burned mainly because I often treat my relationships like a job / business contract. (This is where I started to realise I am an aromantic)


Regardings to sex - I do not identify as asexual because I do enjoy sex to a degree(And I dont care about gender) - but I enjoy it the same way one would enjoy a movie or a video game. It is not an important aspect of my life at all, nor is it something I worry about(I can go years without it)


So I understand where youre coming from. Compared to a cis person - not sexual AT ALL. But compared to an ace still fairly sexual.


It is why I do not like labels. I do not want to "force" myself to change to squeexe into a label. I am who I am and that is that :).


I hope this helps!