Safe Space for All

I have been feeling lonely these last few weeks and just need somewhere where I can feel safe to share my feelings and maybe find some support. Anyone can vent in this thread but put trigger warnings. 

I don't really know how to word my fears. Sometimes I feel as if I was to explain them, I feel as if they are stupid and shouldn't exist. I have trouble getting my thoughts straight and when I'm talking to someone about what is going on in my mind in the moment, my thoughts become jumbled and I can't just say one because I lose the other thoughts or questions I had. 

I fear that I'm the only one who fears the loss of those important to you. I don't mean like later in life losing them, no I mean, I fear I am going to lose that person right then and there. Like they are going to leave the second I look away. One second they're there and the next they aren't. All I did was look away and I fear I will never see them again.

I fear that me healing the way I heal affects those around me, in a negative sense. I feel like when I am trying to understand my feelings toward something this big and I am doing all I know to do and what works for me, everyone uses it as a sign that I'm mad or upset or hate them. But in reality, I am stuck in my own head and don't know how to get out because that's how I learn what I feel, that's how I heal, that's how I learn, and build myself up after taking a hard knock down. 

Sometimes I feel like to boys I am nothing more than my body. Like there isn't anything they care about and that hurts because I don't care about their bodies so why do I get treated like I'm nothing more than my hips, butt, thighs, ***, waist. Why?

I feel like no matter what I do people only notice when I'm sitting or relaxing. They don't see when I do anything. They don't see how hard it is for me not to just lay in bed all day and sink into depression. They don't understand how much I stretch myself out to help even when I want to do nothing but cry.