Checking in

For *** sake to just be able to be around my social worker etc without feeling awkward, without breaking into tears pretty much every *** time.

to just be able to regulate myself all of the time. Im so *** ashamed of emotional dysregulation.

the liquids kicking in but I doubt it properly has yet, in the meantime Im struggling to decide where to travel to to get my steps in. Now im realising maybe this whole "simlike" "sluglike" criticism from my brother corresponding to whatever doomer nihilism the Matrix simulation theory I read on the internet maybe its just a vague illusion and at the end of the day human behaviour and actions are meaningless (but I cant help but believe that that belief, that the way you act and your tastes behaviours etc has got nothing to do with how "sluglike and simlike" you are, is inherently "sluglike and simlike" in itself, inherently discouraging me from believing such a thing)

now its kicking in too confused dissociated to think straight like at all

I wish I had more acne. I wish I zoned out more. I wish I played more video games. Thats cool af.