breakdown...?

hi.. it's me, loik and currently it's 10:19 pm, we're alone in the house, chloe and her husband (foster parents) had to go out for something.. i don't remember what- i feel so overwhelmed right now. it's like the world is spinning around in circles.. i'm losing my mind. first, this day was the most horrible day ever since the week started. i expect bad days like these but i do not know how to deal with them.. i can hear.. i can hear anny(a little) screaming.. at the back of my head, i think she's having a flashback... i hope someone helps her- but the screaming.. it's so painful to hear, and i'm feeling these emotions, i don't know if they're mine or hers. i have tears running down my face- we haven't eaten since we got back from the hospital, we haven't been taking care of ourselves, liah is gone, things feel impossible to do without her.. we should be sleeping right now, but i shouldn't sleep... i can't sleep, we need to take our medication but i don't know where they put it.. my mind is in so much panick right now, i feel like i'm triggering myself into something.. i can hear my heart beating.. and kevin s co-con with me, trying his best to help but it,s too loud and blurry and i don,t even know why... why i'm writting this.. no one can help, no one will- i need to sleep, we need to eat, we need our medication, we need help and i need to calm down and think straight... why does this always happen when i'm fronting.. why.. why why why why why why why

and now its 10:30 pm.. i'm dizzy, can't hear anny anymore.. i have a splitting headache and still co-con with kevin... carers still not back and my head's going blank, i think i'm dissociating.. or i've just gone numb.. but it doesn't feel like it, if i was numb i wouldn't be feeling this pain.. i wish time would stop, i wish.. someone else would front.. i can't do this...