Rowan corner

So yeah like I said I have been wanting to do this for awhile cuz there are a lot of things that happen in my day to day life I don’t get to tell people I want to and how I want to so ima start off with to day

so I recently got a new hair cut (Friday after school) and I just had my first day at school with it. I was kinda really scared cuz I didn’t think it looked the best and you know people at school aren’t always the nicest. But people were saying things they don’t even know make me so happy. Things like how I look so masculine and one guy even said I am more masculine than him. All this made me so very happy so even if I am still not the happiest with the hair cut I can’t wait for it to grow out a little and look even better. Thank you to all the people at school today who complimented me : )

Do you ever get random urges all of a sudden like you *need* to take action right now for something?

I have been feeling this way a lot I haven’t taken much action for it yet but I do want to just don’t know how these urges are become much more common and I feel like when I do it if I do take action it will feel fake even just thinking up ways feels fake

@GwydionRowan

Hello Rowan!

I'm so glad you finally have your own little space :) Honestly, I have had these kinds of random urges to do something, before. But I haven't felt this way in awhile..

@LoveMyMoonflowers hi ni nice to see you here but yeah normal I don’t get them often but recently I m getting them more and it really makes me wanna do stuff but I know it’s not something I can or want to take action on impossibly

@GwydionRowan

Ah okay...

So I learnt about visual snow syndrome which I am so glad Exists lately I have been very worried about the static I see to the point I'm scare I am losing my vision even though I have it my whole life and nothing really changed for me to think it but this could have helped me a lot earlier on. I wanted to make a post about it cuz I think things like this should be more widely known about.

(Also Bing watching volition rn amazing)

@GwydionRowan *voltron idk why is autocorrects

Bro my school as loaded the toilet doors open cuz people keep vandalising them we also can’t go toilet during class and if we do you can be flagged for attitude/behaviour and they also changed everyone’s school email pfp to the school logo 💀

Idk how much longer I can stay closeted but even just imagine come feels so surreal and fouls

(idk what I did to get the text this way)

I think I wanna be a social worker. I've been going around to a bunch of unusual with friends originally just to hang out with them xuz I don't see them to much but after today (the 4th and last uni) I think i know what I wanna do. I have always been really into psychology but I also wanted to be a csi (crine sene investigator) so I was planing to do a few years as a police officer thenayve do uni but now I still want to do a few years policing then do uni for social work. I also talked to my mother about this and she started talking about some horrifying story of how kids are left in abusive home just cuz that's how the system works and I was also thinking about some people I know on here and almost started crying how could people do this to children's lives and expect them to just live with it.

I hope I can help these kids in any way i can

If you haven’t figured out yet I’m not good with consistency. I haven’t used this forum as much as I hoped or thought I would have. Maybe it’s due to a lack of motivation or notable events.

however their is a reason I am using it again after a while of neglecting it. I do not believe I will be on cups as much I have been. I feel a certain level of guilt as unlike last time I was this active, I didn’t make any real friends as I didn’t use the group chats as much. I don’t want people to fret over my sudden disappearance or severe decreases of activity. I would love to stay as active as I have been however I can’t necessarily force myself to stay, I don’t want to create a negative feeling of obligation to be here. Please don’t get me wrong I’m not going to do anything reckless, just letting me self do what it wants. and this will most certainly not be my last time on here, I can guarantee I will still be seem active, occasionally however I do not have to energy nor motivation to participate and be as I once was on here. Hopefully I will one day soon.

This post is a warning not an absolute I just want to inform you of the possibility of me leaving temporally instead of leaving you in the dark.

@GwydionRowan

Hello Rowan 💙

That’s okay - it’s okies if you haven’t been in this forum in a while 💙 you’re free to post here whenever you feel it and there’s no pressure to post here regularly. It’s okies

Even though I’m sorry to know I won’t be seeing you around as often, I’m glad you’re choosing to take some time for yourself instead of forcing yourself to be on here. I hope you will take care of yourself, friend 💙 you mean a lot to us and even if you don’t come on as often we are still your friends owlways 💙 and we appreciate you a lot.

@LoveMyMoonflowers yeah I’ve noticed I have a tendency to drop thing suddenly and I though it was best to let people know but as I said it’s not a grantee I could go back to how I was by next week but who knows. Also thank you so much your comment means so much

@GwydionRowan

that’s okies 💙 feel free to take a break if you need one, okie? You’re important too and you deserve to take time for yourself 💙

I’m here for you, okies? 💙

So my mother found a pram of mine that I wrote when I was 7 and I just can’t 

its Called spring time 

S - Silky and cheerful 

P - plants are nice 

R - roses are breeding 

I - interesting kookaburras too (kookaburra is a native bird btw)

N - nothing as well animals 

G - gorgeous nectar 

T - tulips are growing 

I - indigo flowers 

M - mammals are animals 

E - enjoy the breeding roses

i assure you this is word for word what it was 

Btw it’s spring time for me I kinda forgot it’s fall for most of the world 

I’ve got my school coming up soon and I’m so nervous about it which I’ve never really been. What’s weird is that for some reason my anxiety has increased so much over the past like year and I’m like woah where did this come from 

(btw it’s school holidays for me ended around December starts in February) so I haven’t been going out to much but the other day I went to the grocery store with my mother and my anxiety just wasn’t happy I use to always accompany my parents to the store and I love shopping and going to the mall but now it’s hard like I still wanna and still kinda enjoy it but I’m like always scared (I don’t think that’s the right word tho)

like the other day I went out with a friend form one of my old schools it was fun and nice and my anxiety wasn’t bad but then I saw 2 friends from the school I go to now and I literally froze and our convo was so awkward 

And now I’m really concerned for school can’t stop thinking about it and camp. I haven’t gone on camp with these people before but even (back in primary school) when I didn’t have friends I was find sharing a room with people I didn’t know or even disliked it wasn’t like this. Like I’m planning how to do this and that and what to say and I just wanna enjoy camp 

It’s my birthday today :)

@GwydionRowan

omg :o rowannnnnn!! 💜 happy birthday buddy 🥺 *hugs if okie* it’s been so long 💙 hru? Missed you friend 

@LoveMyMoonflowers I’ve been doing okay school holidays just ended and it’s already so much work how have you been (also I got a septum piercing so happy about it)

@GwydionRowan

awwe I’m happy you’ve been okay 💙 *hugs if okay* awwe it not vv fun when school holidays end lol. I hope all the schoolwork is bearable buddy 💜

I’ve not been great tbh :') trying and surviving 💙 but it’s ok. Thank you for asking 💜

ouh a piercing! That’s so cool :o I’m happy for you too friend 💕

I honestly don’t know if I’m going to make it though this year of school a week In and im too stressed to think without the potential to start crying and it was pretty back last year 

(This is just a rant about being autistic and having communication difficulties)

Sometime it comes as a shock to me (and other people) that I (someone with autism) have trouble communicating with others /sarcastic 

My mother who I try my hardest to believe helps to support and accomodate me and my siblings disorders but I just don’t think she’s equipped often times. She also has autism and so when she yells as me that she can’t communicate with me she think it’s a problem With me (which to be fair I do struggle quite a bit in different situations) but I just think it’s a little unreasonable that we have to try to With her Instead of her trying to communicate to use

often times in communication she gets frustrated very quickly and so raisers her voice which people in my house often don’t respond well to but she kinda blames use saying we need to Geat use to having difficult conversations which I guess is true 

one last think that annoys me about this topic is when I see other people who have difficulty with communicating like being mute or have a bad stutter or other stuff like this I’m like yeah no that fine give them some more time and make them comfortable and I think my mother would agree like she would help them then when it comes to me because I don't struggle all the time constantly with talking and it only happened with uncomfortable or stressed people still see me as someone who can communicate normal all the times 

like what my disability has disabled me no way (sorry that sounded a little mean) 

So long story short I’m dropping out of school cuz it’s too stressful and took too much of a toll on my mental health and I know I won’t be able to complete this year but I feel so bad for leaving like now I just feel like a coward that drop anything whenever it get to hard like I can’t go though life doing only what is easy even if that would be more conventional but like I can’t run away and yet here I am 

also I have no idea how I am suppose to tell my friends I’m dropping out