My Void of Venting
I’ve always wanted to start a journal. I was always worried that it had to be perfect. What if future generations read it? What would they think?
Thats why I created this thread. Because now I can vent into the void so to speak and I don’t have to worry about it being perfect or it even having to make sense. The void doesn’t judge.
I’m not currently wanting anyone to leave comments. Feel free to read my venting if you want but please don’t leaves comments.
Thanks! 🤍
11/2/24
Today was decent. I didn’t want to go to work but I did.
It went ok. I had fun joking around with some of my coworkers. I was soo frustrated with the assistant manager (DP) today though. I don’t understand how his brain works, some days I question if he even has one. He keeps going against policies and then he gets rude about it. He can be so mean about stuff. I am still proud of myself for standing up to him that one time though.
I was happy to find out that mom and K didn’t forget about our plans. It was just a miscommunication and mom was worried I wasn’t feeling up for it since last night was so stressful.
We had caramel apple bites tonight. We didn’t watch the movie but it was still nice. My fave was definitely the Oreo ones.
I also put some gummy bears and gummy worms into sprite to try that trend. I will let you know how it tastes tomorrow.
Now I’m just chilling in bed, listening to music. Lily is laying on my stomach and purring. She is the best and I hope she does live for another long while. I am terrified for the day I have to say goodbye. I can’t believe she is 15 already.
I wanted to work on my knitting a bit before bed but Lily seems so comfy so I don’t dare disturb her. I’m going to rate the loaf a 8/10. Her tail is poking out and just a little bit of her front paw. Her eyes however are closed and the cute little rumbles are amazing.
I think that’s everything I wanted to talk about at the moment.
Love you Human!
11/3/24
i am soo tired but I really wanted to write. I couldn’t miss a day already. So here I am…. I’m going to go to sleep now 😅
love you human!
11/4/24
Today sucked.
my depression has come back worse than I initially thought. This is the longest depression cycle I’ve had in a while. Normally it’s just a low week and I feel better, not almost a month. At least not for a couple years. I feel like a failure. It’s the stupid thought process that keeps cycling through my head. The one that says I won’t amount to anything. That I shouldn’t have dropped out. That I won’t ever go to college. That I won’t ever get my dream job. That I’m going to be alone my whole life.
I feel like life is moving on and I am just stuck here.
i spent all day in bed. I wanted so badly to clean my room. I wanted to make progress on my knitting. But I couldn’t. I felt like I couldn’t move.
im glad I helped take care of goats though.
I couldn’t even tell mom. I feel like I’m trapped in my mind and I’ve lost control of my body. I was standing there yelling at myself to tell her that I need help. That I wanted to talk. But my stupid mouth wouldn’t work. All I could say was goodnight. I even smiled!
and the worst is I so badly want to cry but of course I can’t. I hate being someone who rarely cries. I wish I could. It always helps relieve some tension. Whoever said crying about doesn’t help was clearly wrong.
im hoping that this too will pass like it normally does. It just seems to be taking its sweet time.
hopefully I will have a bit more energy tomorrow.
love you human!
11/5/24
today was better. I cleaned my room a bit. Though I couldn’t find that medicine case that I was looking for.
I realized that I have work tomorrow and I of course am dreading it. I thought I would have another day before work. But I forgot that this schedule is a bit different.
I’m still feeling ridiculously lonely. Hopefully I can fix that soon.
I got some knitting done so that was nice.
I’m really excited for the Idaho trip next week. Hopefully it’s not going to be too crowded. I’m planning on spending more time appreciating the world around me, like going for walks. Hopefully it’s as fun as I remember.
Love you Human!
I lost my water bottle just now. I left it on the bus. Why am I so stupid! Mom called them and they said they would look for it. I really hope they find it. It’s the curiosity box one that measures in light years.
please let them find it!
11/6/24
Today was a long day. I still haven’t heard from the transportation lost and found. They said by tomorrow morning. I really hope they found it. That was my favorite bottle and it would suck to lose it especially since I can’t ever get another one.
Work was long and slow. I closed with C so that was nice at least.
I got some knitting done. That was actually the reason I lost my bottle.
Now I’m just listening to music wishing I had someone to talk to. It’s so strange how when I am upstairs I wish I lived alone but when I’m in my room all I want is someone to talk to. I guess it’s since upstairs everyone blocks every path and it just becomes frustrating. But even with everyone there I still feel alone.
I have work early tomorrow morning. At least tomorrow is payday. And then I don’t have to work until next Wednesday. Hopefully I can get some fun projects done.
I really hope I can work up the courage to chat with a listener soon. I feel like it will help but I’m still just a bit too anxious for it.
Love you Human!
11/7/24
Today was better. Work went ok, it was ridiculously slow though even though we left early. I did get my water bottle back though!!
mom and I stopped by Walmart on the way home and picked up some items. I got the yarn for M’s Christmas present.
I finally made a friend on here! They responded to a thread I had made asking them if they wanted to be friends and they actually responded. I was and still am so excited and happy that they responded and said yes. They haven’t responded since but I am guessing that they are in a different time zone. I hope we can chat somewhat often but it just depends on how comfortable they are with it.
I worked on mom’s Christmas present as well. Making a crochet pattern is hard… hopefully it turns out good.
anyway, I’m feeling pretty tired so I’m going to head to bed.
Love you Human!
They just sent a new message!
I hope they don’t see this anytime soon…. That would be awkward…
if you are reading this… hi, thanks again for agreeing to be my friend
11/8/24
today was ok. I slept in really late but still didn’t have much energy. I did attempt to work on that crochet pattern for mom’s Christmas gift but it wasn’t turning out how I wanted it to so I had to frog the whole thing. Cayenne came and joined me. She was being so cute.
even though I didn’t have a lot of energy I did help out with goats and dogs tonight.
I really should finish designing the calendar for next year. I am going to have to order it soon in order to get it by Christmas.
tomorrow I will put on music and see how much I can get done.
Love you Human!
11/9/24
i got two months spreads done for next year’s calendar. I am really happy with how they turned out. I am hoping to get a couple more done tomorrow.
Lily was extra cuddly today, it was really nice.
other than that the day was average.
Love you Human!
11/10/24
I was so tired today. I didn’t have any motivation.
I did still cook some food for everyone though.
I thought I was exiting this low but I went back down.
I feel like such an angry person and I hate it.
i am still looking forward to Idaho later this week. Hopefully it lives up to my expectations.
love you Human!