Light at the end of the tunnel

Tw: Heavy subjects.

Hi! Okay, when I first made this account almost an exact year ago, I never thought I’d even be here to this day. I was so hopeless and just desperate for anything to help me out of the pain I was suffering. I was so close to just giving up in an attempt to not have to live through this pain any longer. If someone told me a year ago that I’d be here, I never in a million years would’ve believed them.

I haven’t been this happy in YEARS. I had been struggling for so long. A year ago, I didn’t even think that I’d live to see my middle school graduation. Now, I’m 2/3 into my freshman year. The first couple months were a struggle, but I finally found something that has helped me.

This January, I got put on birth control. I didn’t want to do it necessarily, I didn’t like the idea of having to rely on pills, but I was so desperate for something to work and willing to try anything. Two months later, I’m better than I ever had been in a long, long time. 3 years at the least. Birth control helps regulate hormones which help anxiety and depression. It was hard for a month, my period lasted that whole month, but I was so worth it.

Now, I’m on my high school’s softball team. I’m smiling at school. I don’t feel so alone and outcasted. ***, I can wake up in the morning and not have a panic attack. I can actually make it to school. I can get through my classes. I am able to do the things that I desperately wanted, to be able to do what the kids my age are able to. Be able to function and not be on the verge of a break down every moment of every second.

I’m almost a year clean from sh. I will be on march 23 so it’s this month. I can’t believe it. Some of my scars are still there but they have faded a lot. I can’t believe it. I was supposed to be gone a long time ago. Now I’m striving. I thought I was doomed to suffer forever, I was a such a low place. Even 2 months ago I was struggling so bad. The past 2 months have been of lots of healing, improvement and change. 2 months ago I wouldn’t even believe I am doing this well.

With this message, I just want to say, have hope. The past 5 years have been a struggle for me and yet I’m here and better than I ever thought I’d be. As someone who had no hope for anything and was about to preform something stupid and permanent, I want to say that it will get better. Recovery is possible and I wish the best to those who are going through some hard times.

Thank you for reading and I apologize for the long post. There’s hope for recovery, even if you might not believe it. I definitely didn’t until now. I hope this message can help in anyway and if someone has any questions at all, please ask. I’d love to answer. Have a wonderful day!