(mentions of some sort of self harm and breakup)
I am not well. Not even in the slightest. I want to cry, to succumb, to dissapear from this Earth. It's strange what heartbreak can make you feel. Anyone who's been in a LDR and is no longer in it, how did you handle it? My partner lied to me, faked his death, and I'm just finding out he was seeing someone else. I was fine back in Febuary, but now the stitches are breaking and the blood is pouring all over again. It hurts. I wish he could feel it, you know? But he has another, someone in real life who can hold his hand and whisper I love you to under the moonlight. I thought he was my soulmate, but it turns out he just makes my soul ache.
Would there be another time for us? I feel like I'm going to see him again, almost a certain feeling. I sent messages to his Skype account in hopes he'll look at it, but who knows. I hate this. I hate feeling like im nothing, like im worthless. He made me feel on top of this world. He was helping me finally love myself, and I loved him with every fibre in me. And now I'm back at square one. How do I handle this? How do I get rid of this feeling? How can I find closure for someone who did something like this to me? My mental health is shot. I'm so confused and hurt, I don't know what to do. What did I do wrong? Was I not pretty enough? Is it my race? What is it that I did to deserve this? The harsh reality of being naive and closed-mouthed fucking hurts.
I wish he could see all the pain I have to go through, but he doesn't care. I'm convinced he never cared or loved me although we said it countless times. I hope he gets my message somehow. Whether now or in the future.
