hiya :)
i just figured out this forum was a thing, i'm glad though. i'm probably gonna use this a lot just to put my thoughts and wonders sometimes(?). anywho, i have found a love for emoticons and i really think i should start a folder/note/list. hm. also, do i introduce myself here as well?
(a little depressing (if anyone reads) )
I don't know why I feel so out of place. Everywhere, everyday, at any time, I feel like I don't belong or that I'm just not the convienent person at the time. I don't know. My thoughts become so jumbled and all these factors in my life just make me feel like I don't belong here at all. Maybe I'm stuck in the wrong part of time?
Another thing. I also feel like everyone hates me, lol. I don't know if that's actually funny but. I don't know what to say sometimes and I just try to put it in ways that anyone can understand.
The moral is, I wish I had someplace to call home.
@confusingmaybe
My life has not gotten ANY better and that's to say the least. I hate my life more and more everyday, but it has it's positive sides I guess. I've been worrying a bunch about graduating and starting the next part of my life.
Yesterday, I got to go out with a couple of teammates. I loved it, we got to go out to a new restarurant afterwards and it was just an amazing night. Until I got home that is. I don't want to go into much detail because of triggers but yeah. I couldn't end the night on a happy note, and I had a depression sleep. Although stuff did happen, I can't wait to spread my wings and be my own person. I can only wish and hope that the things I want will come to me soon.
Work and school gives me such a break from home and myself and I love it. Yes, I hate school (the social aspect of it) but learning new subjects/topics on a daily basis can help distract yourself from yourself. I just wish I could graduate this year and leave for university already. Anyways. Until the next thought. -cm
(mentions of some sort of self harm and breakup)
I am not well. Not even in the slightest. I want to cry, to succumb, to dissapear from this Earth. It's strange what heartbreak can make you feel. Anyone who's been in a LDR and is no longer in it, how did you handle it? My partner lied to me, faked his death, and I'm just finding out he was seeing someone else. I was fine back in Febuary, but now the stitches are breaking and the blood is pouring all over again. It hurts. I wish he could feel it, you know? But he has another, someone in real life who can hold his hand and whisper I love you to under the moonlight. I thought he was my soulmate, but it turns out he just makes my soul ache.
Would there be another time for us? I feel like I'm going to see him again, almost a certain feeling. I sent messages to his Skype account in hopes he'll look at it, but who knows. I hate this. I hate feeling like im nothing, like im worthless. He made me feel on top of this world. He was helping me finally love myself, and I loved him with every fibre in me. And now I'm back at square one. How do I handle this? How do I get rid of this feeling? How can I find closure for someone who did something like this to me? My mental health is shot. I'm so confused and hurt, I don't know what to do. What did I do wrong? Was I not pretty enough? Is it my race? What is it that I did to deserve this? The harsh reality of being naive and closed-mouthed fucking hurts.
I wish he could see all the pain I have to go through, but he doesn't care. I'm convinced he never cared or loved me although we said it countless times. I hope he gets my message somehow. Whether now or in the future.
