a place for my thoughts

today I forgot my ring to school. i was in the car to school and took it off to put some lotion on and was rushing so I forgot to put it back on. this ring doesn’t have any extreme special value to me, it was just a gift to me. but I never leave without it because over the years, whenever I go out in public and I’m really stressed out and panicking or my social anxiety is really getting to me, it’s always there for me to play or fidget with and it calms me down. at first it was just a jewelry item I would wear because it’s pretty but now like today, right when I got in school and my mom drove off I realized I didn’t have my ring. right when I got to the stairwell where there were no kids I immediately told my mom that I don’t have my ring but I didn’t want to tell her how attached I am to it because she would probably say it’s just a ring and then the bell rang so all the kids started coming to the stairwell so I had to go to class so I hung up the phone with my mom. I think this is the first time I ever had a panic attack like this. i never cry in school. not even once. but my hands were shaking so bad, I was trying SO hard not to cry, I was breathing so heavily and then at the same time it was also hard to breath. I never knew I was this attached to this ring until the very moment where I didn’t have it school. believe it or not but for the past 6 months, every single day I had that ring on. so this one day where I didn’t have my ring, where I was already frustrated because my black clothing had cat hair all over it, my phone wasn’t working at all no matter how many times I restarted it, and I had a big English writing assessment (writing is my weakness I’m terrible at it) I of course didn’t have my ring. i know it seems so stupid but I never realized I could feel like that before, especially in school. I also of course did terrible on my writing assessment but oh well. i guess that’s it for now.