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chels384
908 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts49 Forum posts55 Forum upvotes67 Current upvotes67 Age GroupTeen Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceMay 9, 2021
Recent forum posts
sadness
General Support / by chels384
Last post
 March 5th, 2023
...See more i just feel this deep deep sadness everyday and i don’t know how to get rid of it. it’s a huge weight and ache in my chest that feels like it’s always weighing me down.
it’s hard
General Support / by chels384
Last post
 March 5th, 2023
...See more i don’t know how it’s possible to feel so much but so little at the same time. i feel numb but i also feel every emotion possible at the moment.
a feeling
General Support / by chels384
Last post
 February 10th, 2023
...See more i just feel like there’s a weight on my chest, pulling and always dragging me down. i feel like i can never even breathe freely or ever feel completely relaxed. it’s always just this nagging feeling. i dont know how to get rid of it or if i’ll ever be able to. it’s been here for awhile and the only time it ever went away is when my mind finally stopped racing with thoughts constantly. my chest always hurts and it’s just this deep deep weight on it that makes my stomach drop.
friends
Anxiety Support / by chels384
Last post
 February 4th, 2023
...See more it’s extremely hard for me to put my own thoughts out there because i’m scared of what other people think. my two new friends are very social and talkative. they’re very overpowering for me. it’s not their fault at all obviously but they always say stuff like “you never talk” “you never have any independent thoughts” “you agree with everything we say” “all you say is mhm and yeah” “you’re so boring” like it’s actually so frustrating because why do they feel the need to say these things. like ok i’m sorry i have trouble being social? being my friends i thought u could understand and not judge me for it and maybe even help me be more talkative. but it’s absolutely the opposite with them. literally with any other of my friends, it’s so easy to talk with them and i feel very comfortable and relaxed because they aren’t judge mental at all. but these new friends (2nd year being friends with) it’s like i really have to watch every word i say because i’m scared of their reactions so i don't say anything at all. to add on, they always assume so much and low key make up stuff after only knowing me for a short period of time (compared to my other friends who i’ve known for more). and it’s not even that it’s only because i’ve known them for two years because i have other friends who’s so easy to talk to because they simply aren’t judgey, are patient with me, and don’t make comments like my new friends. it’s just so frustrating i cant. it makes me feel like i’m being forced out of my comfort zone when i’m not ready yet. and i’m scared they’ll drop me if i stay more quiet or if i actually voice my opinions. i don’t know what to do but them saying this makes me feel like absolute ***.
quick vent/seeking some advice
General Support / by chels384
Last post
 December 30th, 2022
...See more so it’s my birthday tomorrow and i already celebrated my bday with my friends yesterday so for my actual bday i jusy want to chill at home with my family and watch movies and play games the whole day. but my one friend kind of invited himself over last week because he asked me if i was doing anything and i said i don’t think so because i was just being honest because i thought he meant something big. and i have a really hard time saying no to people and i mean i almost canceled on him but he was like “you better not be canceling on me” so then i never actually did. i just said my family might be coming over and they are but i don’t know how long they are staying. anyways, i really do not want to hang out because he’s gonna want to stay over extremely late and i really just want to chill with my family. like i get its new year’s eve but it’s also my bday and i just wanna do what i want to do. however, it’s extremely last minute if i cancel on him now and because irs also new year’s eve i don’t want him to have no plans anymore because of me. so i guess i’ll just have to hang out with him but tomorrow i really don’t want to have to be social at all and have a carefree day. i just don’t know what to do because if i cancel on him, he might not be able to find anyone else to hang out with. i jusy should’ve said no sooner.
a little rant
Anxiety Support / by chels384
Last post
 December 15th, 2022
...See more i know it’s normal how friends are “mean” to each other sometimes as jokes and stuff and i completely get it. but i am not a social person and anybody who sees me in a social situation can tell. i know i don’t talk much but i really try my hardest. i hate having to practice exactly what im going to say in my head a million times before i actually say it out loud. i hate having to constantly worry what other people will think if i say this or do this. so instead i’m more on the quiet side because it’s way more easier to just not talk to people. and i know i am a very awkward person but it’s just so hard to socialize. but recently it’s been extra aggravating because constantly my friends are always like “you never talk”, “she never speaks”, “my conversations are always one sided with you because you never say a lot”, “you’re such a introvert”, “you’re so anti-social”, “you’re so boring”, “you’re so awkward” all my friends say those things to me all the time and it’s just been getting on my nerves. like i’m so annoyed with them and i would bring it up but i don’t know how. like i know it’s not their fault that i’m the way i am but they don’t have to say those things to me or say it so pointedly. i just find it so inconsiderate of them to say those things when they don’t know at all what im feeling or why i “never talk”.
a place for my thoughts
Journals & Diaries / by chels384
Last post
 March 27th, 2022
...See more today I forgot my ring to school. i was in the car to school and took it off to put some lotion on and was rushing so I forgot to put it back on. this ring doesn’t have any extreme special value to me, it was just a gift to me. but I never leave without it because over the years, whenever I go out in public and I’m really stressed out and panicking or my social anxiety is really getting to me, it’s always there for me to play or fidget with and it calms me down. at first it was just a jewelry item I would wear because it’s pretty but now like today, right when I got in school and my mom drove off I realized I didn’t have my ring. right when I got to the stairwell where there were no kids I immediately told my mom that I don’t have my ring but I didn’t want to tell her how attached I am to it because she would probably say it’s just a ring and then the bell rang so all the kids started coming to the stairwell so I had to go to class so I hung up the phone with my mom. I think this is the first time I ever had a panic attack like this. i never cry in school. not even once. but my hands were shaking so bad, I was trying SO hard not to cry, I was breathing so heavily and then at the same time it was also hard to breath. I never knew I was this attached to this ring until the very moment where I didn’t have it school. believe it or not but for the past 6 months, every single day I had that ring on. so this one day where I didn’t have my ring, where I was already frustrated because my black clothing had cat hair all over it, my phone wasn’t working at all no matter how many times I restarted it, and I had a big English writing assessment (writing is my weakness I’m terrible at it) I of course didn’t have my ring. i know it seems so stupid but I never realized I could feel like that before, especially in school. I also of course did terrible on my writing assessment but oh well. i guess that’s it for now.
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