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anxiety

alittlewanderer September 20th, 2019

i put on my headphones and crank up the volume, music blasting so loudly it makes my ears ache, loud enough to seep into the darker corners of my mind and distract myself from the racing thoughts in my head. but it doesn't work for long. my ears go numb and the thoughts grow loud to match the blaring music, and suddenly i'm back where i started. it's a little harder to breathe, and then a lot harder, and then i can't think, can't hear, can't do anything because i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe. my heart aches and am i dying? do i need to go to the hospital? there's nothing i can do, so i let my pillow grow damp with tears and let the music blast even louder, as if that can distract me from reality.

anyone relate? please tell me i'm not alone in this

5
LinearWaves September 20th, 2019

@alittlewanderer

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with racing thoughts, and that music ends up not being loud enough to distract you from them. You are not alone in this though <3

Sometimes I try to focus really hard on something, like reading an article and actually understanding it, so it distracts me for a few minutes, or to change of music styles, so I go from loud electro, to loud classical, to loud rock and so on. I hope it gets easier to handle for you, in the meanwhile remember that you're not alone, stay strong!

1 reply
alittlewanderer OP September 21st, 2019

@LinearWaves

thank you, it's nice to know i'm not alone in this

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sincereOcean4592 September 20th, 2019

@alittlewanderer I am sorry that you're going through this. I do not suffer from anxiety, really...but I have had a few panic attacks that made me feel like I couldn't breathe. I focused on my breathing, slow, deep, methodical breathing, and it helped me out of the panic attack.

I also wanted to say that you are an amazing writer. What you wrote made me feel in the moment...what you were experiencing.

1 reply
alittlewanderer OP September 21st, 2019

@sincereOcean4592

thank you for the compliment! :)

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jazmine1986 September 21st, 2019

@alittlewanderer

well i can relate you as well , as this is actually how i feel right now except my ❤ is not racing i feel like 😭 & sensation of jealousy since the day i knew his wife its a long story if you want you can read my profile . i had to hide my feelings from my parents , later maybe i might 😭 sliently in my pillow