Writting on empty

Someone was being so nice and friendly, it is amazing how one can spread their positivity. I simply cannot pretend to be that way, it seems like it is not of my nature unfortunately. It's still hard for me to group people up about who are nice and who aren't, but maybe it's not needed at all. Why would you feel the need to do that?

I will probably not talk to her, my negative air will probably break the atmosphere but she makes me happy and I will look from afar. For now, because definitely, one day, I want to be part of the carefree and positive people. At the moment, I truthfully think too much. But yes, maybe I just need to accept that as well. Osho said you should face your fears etc.

Osho is the man that astonished me, his words are beyond my wildest imaginations. It sounds stupid, but I have not met anyone as wise about life as he is. Not a philosopher, not a religion, just a man.

Anyways, I don't know how I am gonna go about it, maybe I need a plan on how I am gonna live my life. For example the things to do everyday, I want to step up my game. Yes, professional support is not an option, then I should help myself no matter what because I want to succeed in my life.

Success and life, this is an issue that is hard to tell others about. Be it in real life, on the internet or on 7Cups because most people don't succeed in their life, I suppose. I have seen myself making some people pretty uncomfortable because of my questions. I try to stop asking them. But my interest in fundamental questions never ceased. To others, it seems asking them about what do they live for or why they made such choice could be a sensitive topic. I think we humans keep hiding, keep covering our eyes from the dead end we are facing and the meaninglessness of life itself. I wish one day I would meet someone who would be open enough to tackle this issue with me. No, there is no use to wish for exterior situations to change. Do it on your own.

My father used to tell me that I should pull my shits together. He'd spare me a pitiful glance and says that I am too slow compared to my sister, friends, coworkers etc. A lot of people call me slow, my reaction time is always off by a bit, I can't think as fast and is as flexible as others. I try to pull myself together, I just become a very rushy kind of person, always running, not being able to get things done correctly however.

"You don't have enough money to afford that." He laughed. I felt small and stupid. I feel like that most of the time. Maybe I do think I cannot achieve anything in my life. But logically, I am capable like any other. I am not handicapped. I am okay.

I am starting a little business on my own, I attended some seminars, they taught that so that is what I am doing now. I put my attention on that.

Today I did a lot of things wrong, there was a meeting I forgot to schedule with the members, I was almost late. But things turns out alright, they were informed by others, the meeting was scheduled 30 minutes later so almost no one knows about my mistake, thankfully. I offered to write the report as an apology, I think I wrote them better and faster now. Even someone like me can learn, I am glad.

I need to ask someone to go home early today, I promised my sister. Even though it is embarassing and hard, I need to do it. I always try to hide, it's still hard to me after so long, maybe it's about the mindset.

I will... see the result of my side business today, I invested on is. I am crossing my fingers for it to work. Good luck.

Since last week, I am working non-stop on a small business of my own, this Monday, I received my results. I made a good page and more than 50% of people coming are interested, although I didn't make any sales. A guy told me the product I am trying to sell is a high product ticket, that's why it's hard and I can try selling something cheaper. I will continue to sell this, because I know it works. I don't want to sell everything. I bought this product and tried it myself, I believe in it.

I was a little bit disappointed, but working on this business, I learnt a lot of intereresting things. While trying to inspire my list, I inspired myself. It's worth the small amount of money invested. I am still having trouble knowing how and where to invest, how to set this up. You shouldn't spend too much, but not spending at all and expect results is not the best idea either. I will write a budget I am allowed to spend for the month. My goal until the 4th August is to make my first sale.

Take a moment to relax then pull yourself up, you know there is a chance, you know the results are showing. "It's not over until I win."