Vent your frustrations

I don’t know when/if I will be able to do more things on my own, have more freedom, do certain things I’ve been wanting to do.

I want to start the process of separation from my husband. Well, technically we aren't married...still. Engaged for 7 long and crazy years. Everything in our life these years is together. All the way down to the bank account. I suppose I was naive in thinking that I could just bury ALL the hurt and anger and now resentment. Its always something with him. The drinking that never really stops, the lies that go with it, the manipulation, the narcissistic nonsense. I have never been a priority to him and I so badly wanted normal that I settled for someone I didn't know nearly enough. Had I just been patient maybe I would've not been blindsided or maybe not. This man has become toxic to me. I don't blame him or myself I just say these are the facts and now we're here it is what it is. But if I'm being honest I want to scream from the rooftop about how alcoholism destroyed our life together and that beer has always been his main bit** and I'm just a nanny or a maid who doesn't get any support from him. Who always has to take a backseat to any and everyone else. I'm not on the list of things that matter. I doubt I ever really was. I'm hurt yes but I'm used to hurt now I just want out. For real.

How is it that you can be diagnosed with colon cancer before you even hit 40? Go to the doctor on Monday for stomach pain, get told late Wednesday you have colon cancer and they will need to remove a small portion of the colon to get it. Then the next Tuesday you are told that the entire colon will have to be removed. By this point inorder not to swear I almost need that V-Chip they used on the South Park movie lol . I know that family friends and all want to help but I haven't even had a chance to get my own head around this yet.