VENT
The thing is…
When i was younger
I didn’t care all that much
When i didn’t get to have a party with my friends
Cause i still got presents from my family
And that's all little kids really care about
The presents
But year after year went by
And i still didn't get to have one
It was okay though in my kid mind
Cause I understood party places were expensive
And i couldn't invite friends over
Due to the house looking like trash
So i understood
And wasn’t too phased
Because i saw my friends at co-op
Then
Up comes my thirteenth birthday
I have archery friends and co-op friends
Plenty to invite to a party
I'm all excited for this year
Because my mother said yes
to a party at home with my friends—
Oh…
the ability be excited
Such a treasure i never cherished
—and then covid with its lockdowns happen
And my mother blocks all my friends’ contacts
Because they’re queer
I never even got to invite anyone
My thirteenth came and went
My Fourteenth?
No friends
Fifteenth?
Same thing
Now my sixteenth is coming up
Its my "Sweet Sixteen"
I'm going to be Sixteen in nine days
And ive never had a party with my friends
Why does this hurt me so much
Why does it bother me so *** much
Oh yeah
Because I can have a party
My mother has welcomed the idea with open arms
But i have no one to invite
No one my mother approves of anyway
I'd rather go unalive in my bed
than have an awkward party/”hangout”
with two people i'm barely friends with
That’s how you know you’re close to me
If i would invite you to a party
I clung to someone toxic for so long
Someone who led me to SHing
Who guilt tripped me
Till i was strung up in her web with a noose
Because i wanted A Normal experience
I hate how i know
that if i was public schooled
Id probably have jumped out my window by now
god damnit
@Shawdios Hey, I am so sorry that you're going through a difficult time right now but know that you are not alone. I know how hard it is to feel like missing out or these expectations for not wasting your teenage years. Trust me, these are not the best years and better ones are to come. Many people don't have parties during their birthdays and it's completely normal to not have a huge party. I am so sorry that you had to endure a toxic friend. Those things are so hard but you're so courageous for caring in spite of them. I hope things turn out for the better.